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female
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anonymous
writes: hi....i have been dating a man 67 years old for the past 15 months. I am in love with him and he says that he is in love with me. He is very good to me and i want to spend the rest of my life with him. i am 63 years old. the problem i have is that he is an outdoorsman and goes on hunting and fishing trips for at least 2 days and nights and sometimes 7 days and nights. i really miss him and i want to go along but he says that he will worry about me if i stay in the hotel while he fishes. he fishes with a brother in law and this person does not like me because he wants my man to be available to fish anytime, any place. his brother in law and wife would not allow me to go to their home last hunting season. they are very selfish people and they judge me and i have only met them one time. i want my man to take charge and tell them that i am going to be with him and they are welcome to come with us if they choose. my man does not want to dissapoint anyone and therefore does what everyone wants him to do. this is causing problems in our relationship and i want to know how best to deal with this. also he tells me that he may not want to marry again because if i got seriously ill he would have to take his two childrens inhertience money to take care of me. he said that he might would have to even sell his home if i became ill. what do you think is the best way for me to handle this? thanks, pat
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2006): Oh my, Pat....how sad. Two very old fashioned words come to mind when I read your posting....honor, and respect. You are not getting this. You are involved with a man who is ignoring your needs and disrespecting you. This is not love, Pat. He should be proud to take you around his relatives. He should be telling them, you and he are a couple and they should be respecting his relationship with you. Respect is NOT an option in a love relationship. This is serious because it's something that is likely 'causing you hurt'-it's something that you may have chosen to ignore or thought would change over time. This issue is a core value difference. You have a bf who does not have his priorities in place. You are his lover, his best friend, his partner. You should be valued, cherished, loved and you should be a priority. Are you sure you want to continue tolerating this? There comes a time when relationship boundries must be put into place. He sounds like he needs a 'backbone' when it comes to dealing with his brother in law and his wife. Do you know what the best solution is? Either walk away from all this or start clearly stating your expectations. If I were in your shoes, I would spend some time, calmy but firmly talking and communicating with him about what his actions are doing and how his total lack of regard is hurting you. You have a voice...please use it, Pat. Talk to this guy or he will be doing this forever and it will only serve to make you feel more insignificant than you already do. No woman should put up with this. Be strong, Pat and let him know. If he's not up for it...then you know what to do. Take care, dear...my heart is with you.
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