A
female
age
,
*rooklynNY
writes:I have been dating a wonderful man for two months. He had a bad relationship with another woman he calls "double lifer", she was engaged to him and another man at the same time and he found out when he talked to the other guy. She married the other guy...here is my problem, he still takes her phone calls and talks with her because he says if he tells her not to call him anymore it just creates trouble, so he chats with her answers her questions and hopes she does not call again. The reason he states that he takes the calls is because she was a bit "psycho" when he knew her. I am having a hard time believing this..I also broke up with someone 8 mos ago and we never speak, nor would I start talking with him again..for me when it is over it is over! Any feedback will be appreciated.
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (20 June 2007):
 He needs to stop talking to his ex!! It's completely unnecessary and since she is used to juggling two men, it's possible she still thinks she can do this. Plus if it's bothering you, it needs to stop. If he doesn't have the balls to tell her to f*** off, for fear of some kind of consequences, then I agree with jmpire, he needs to change his cell number and e-mail account to put a stop to her having access to him. But a word of caution, if your b/f refuses to take these steps, he may still be hung up on her. No man gets involved with a psycho unless they think they can "fix" them -- he may still be drawn to that rescue-mentality trap. It should be an either-or-situation. The ex has to go. Good luck!
A
male
reader, jmpirie  +, writes (20 June 2007):
 Phone numbers and email addresses can be changed. Every time he acknowledges her existence he is validating her and her actions. He must be made aware of this.
With abandoned pride I acknowledge that I was in a similar situation and handled it in a similar manner as your boyfriend. I eventually changed numbers and email addresses and no longer acknowledge her existence. She is staying gone and I am confident this would not be the case had I continued to acknowledge her existence.
I would say that while possible, it is very risky and unwise to carry on any relationship or communication with an ex. This of course is not possible when children are involved. Very few people would be comfortable with such a relationship and if you are not one of them, then your boyfriend must respect it.
My girlfriend was right in asking me to take the steps required to cut off all communication. Your feelings must matter more to your boyfriend than the ex's. You are right in asking him to be assertive and put a hard end to it.
Know that men can be as stubborn as an ox. It may take him some time to realize what must be done. This does not mean that you are wrong, just that he is stubborn. I know I was and I have my girlfriend's understanding and support to thank.
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (20 June 2007):
 Chat how you feel through with your boyfriend and explain to him you don't really like it.
The more he answers her calls, I think the more she will call him because she knows he will always pick up. He has to stop taking the calls and tell her to leave him alone and let him and you get on with your relationship.
xxxxxxx
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