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female
,
anonymous
writes: Had a relationship that lasted for just under 9 yrs. He cheated on me right from the beginning. More times in the first year than I can even count on both my hands, and feet, at which point I confronted him about it and he said it would stop. I spent a lot of time and energy telling myself I was just paranoid over the next 6 years, only to find out that everything I suspected he was doing was absolutely true. Out of the blue, everything was as per usual, he comes home 4 hours late from work to tell me he was leaving me. We ended up back together again 2 weeks later on the basis that he hadn't cheated on me again, (turns out he had). One year later he does the same thing, rings and leaves a message instead, to say he wasn't coming home and he didn't (he'd left me for 3 other girls from work). I packed his belongings and gave them to his parents. As far as I thought it was over...but "no"...he thinks he's made a big mistake and it's me he loves me and wants me back. He's tryiNg to prove that he is serious this time but since he's left he's been with at least 12 other girls/women...and that's only 9 months ago!! I'm so used to putting up with this crap I feel like "what's the difference once more?" I feel good being single...it's hard with a child. I'm not sure how I feel about him...I don't think I have any respect left for him...our daughter doesn't either. How could this ever work out? I think I've had enough but not sure where to go from here. Or how to tell him. I just can't bring myself to do it without hurting his feelings...Not sure what the actual question is I'm just sick of feeling so hurt by him and am scared of being a single mother and alone!! Please help with some sort of advice!!
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (19 February 2006):
 I was a single mum and believe me it is better than living with the heartache that you are suffering, being a single mum is not easy and no one will tell you different but you will be happier, you will be choosing how to manage your life and your finances.
Make sure he pays child support as you are entitled to this and go to see a benefits advisor to see what you and your daughter are entitled to.
Dont let this creep walk all over you any more, he is a slime ball and will never mend his ways, he is just using and abusing you because he can.
Tell him you are sick of him and his abuse and he is out of your life, he will need to see your daughter as despite all his failings he is her dad so make sure you go to the child support agency to get financial payments sorted and acess agreed.
Be strong, see this snake for what he is and put your foot firmly down once and for all, there will be a bloke out there for you that will treat you with the love, loyalty and respect you deserve.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2006): That sensation of numbness you feel from his repeat cheating is the best reason of all to NOT take him back; it reveals how emotionally bankrupt your relationship really is at this point. This man doesn't care one fucking little wit about your feelings, so don't worry at all about being gentle with him. I know the spectre of single life terrifies most people, especially parents, but this is one of those rare, black and white cases where being single is head and shoulders above being stuck with this man. Embrace it, dump him, and never look back.
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