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female
,
anonymous
writes: I've been dating a guy for 3 months. He's 50 and I'm 45. He has been divorced for a year after 23 years of marriage. He can't keep his erection for penetration and sometimes loses it even while I'm giving him head. I've had plenty of partners and NEVER any complaints. Yet, although we have both agreed that viagra may be needed, and have both read up on erectile dysfunction, he still makes comments blaming me for the problem. For example, he'll get hard and then pentrate me, but loses it. I suck him and play with him, and he says I'm not doing it right and he'll finish it. Or today he woke up hard and I crawled on top and rocked back and forth and it kept going soft. He said, it's not working, so I got off and jerked him off. He said if I moved better, he could cum. It makes me mad that he blames me for his inability to cum. I SO think it's all ED related, but don't want to hurt his feelings. Yet, he's hurting mine. We have viagra, but haven't had a chance to use it yet. (Both had colds). Any suggestions on how to deal with this? I do want to be clear that he's NOT mean when we he says I don't do it right, it's in a conversational tone, yet it is still very hurtful. I want him to know that it's part of the ED (erectile dysfunction) and not me. But I don't want to psyche him out like he's starting to do to me. Any ideas on how to talk about this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2006): I agree with you, he does sound like he has ED troubles. Sadly, some men often 'blame their partners for their inadequacies'. However, many men are considerate and loving enough to reassure their partner, it's not her fault. I really question 'why' he feels the need to blame you. He sounds a bit embarrassed and is experiencing problems with impotence. A common problem with men this age. I really don't think this man's problem has anything to do with you, so please stop worrying about that. He clearly needs medical help. A good idea would be to start with his GP. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2006): Eh. I'm not so sure it's ED. I don't know anything about this sort of thing, but I'm dating a guy who's 24. He has the same kind of thing - often can't keep an erection even when I'm going down on him. He says I'm just not doing it right, but he can't (i.e., won't) really give me any suggestions for how to do it better. I've dated other guys and never had any problems. But the current guy's not circumcised, so I always figured that's what it was. Maybe I'm only good with guys that are circumcised? We've been together almost a year now, so you'd think I'd have figured it out by this point, but it still happens semi-regularly.
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