A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure that me and my man are compatible.I seen a post on here a while ago about a woman thinking her man was needy and although I didn't agree with all of it it made me think.Me and my man have been friends since school and in a relationship for 2 years. After school I got a job in an estate agents and have worked here since now earning good money. I rent myself a house and drive a company car and think I'm independant.My man is the same age but lives at home and only works part time. He may as well live at my house the amount if time he spends there but he doesn't pay his way and does NOTHING to help me. My food shopping bill has doubled, my gas and elec bills have shot up because he's home during the day a lot and he leaves the place a state. We've been borough up very different in that my mum always encouraged us to work and pay our way be tidy where his mum has never worked just stayed home with the children and given them anything they want and not expect anything in return. Her 2 kids that still live at home are boys in there late 20s and she still tidys there rooms for them!The thing is it's started to annoy me that he does nothing. If he's had the day off and I've gone to work and left the house tidy and got something out the freezer ready for dinner I'll get home and the house is a s***hole and he's eaten my dinner!Also he doesn't do nothing with his friends anymore he just invites them over to my house without asking and expects me to feed them and provide them with drinks. and he won't give me any time to myself. Last week my friend sadly lost her gran and was very upset so wanted to come over for some girl time. I told my man this and he wouldn't give us any space, I asked him to go out for an hour or so or even just go upstairs but he wouldn't which meant my friend wouldn't talk to me and left my house more upset than when she arrived. I've tried talking to him but he says it just goes to show he loves me more than I love him as he wants to be with me all the time and sometimes I don't want to see him. He thinks in order to feel love for him I need to be wanting sex all the time and seeing him at every spate minute!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 March 2014):
 I think this is a case of growth and no growth. Since school YOU have grown INTO a hard working young lady, HE is still living and acting like a child.
YOU have taken on the "mother-role", by housing him, feeding him, cleaning up after him and generally paying the bills FOR him. It's how he was raised and if YOU don't tell him. I EXPECT you to help with the food and the bills if you stay here, he isn't going to "get" it.
If I were you I would change the locks to your house. That would be priority #1. MAKE YOUR HOUSE BE YOUR house. Not his crash pad.
IF you are dead-set on still dating this guy you two can make plans to go out together, or see each other when it works for you.
The situation with your friend NEEDING you and your BF blowing you BOTH the bird is disrespectful and YOU need to put your foot down.
Personally though, I think the relationship has run it's course. He will not change. He has too good. If you aren't taking care of him, his mother is. Trust me even if he was in his 30's or 40's he might still act like this. Specially IF you let him.
A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (5 March 2014):
 Sorry to be rude but basically your "man" is nothing but a parasite. He uses you, have you pay for him and his friends, and while being needy for sex, he has the nerve to state that YOU have to be more sexual to prove your love. That's what is named a manipulator. Stop being his puppet as well as his inflatable doll, stop being his milch-cow. Once you will have recovered your freedom, just take yourself in hand and look for someone who will appreciate you and love you for real, as you deserve better than this loser.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 March 2014):
 Horrible, horrible, horrible! There are other words that I would like to use to describe your boyfriend, but they would be censored right off the page!
What a nasty, conniving, manipulative, shitty little shit you have there. He totally trashes your house, has no respect for you as a person, doesn't give a hoot when you make a very reasonable request for him to give you and a grieving friend some quiet time, he is a total arse and the sooner you boot his mooching self out of there the better, I don't understand why you are keeping him hanging around!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 March 2014):
You're lovely. You're hard working, you're smart, you're caring, you're independent, and some day you'll meet an actual man, who will appreciate everything you have to offer and actually add something to your life.
And with that point, here's the rest - your boyfriend is a moocher pure and simple. He might as well have the word 'loser' tattooed over his head. He isn't really going anywhere work wise, and he's not contributing anything to your home life. Even if he was doing more at home, and not treating your house like a hotel, it would be better. But to be treating your home, and you, in the way he is, well that's not good enough. The man wouldn't even leave you along with your friend for an hour!
Basically, you can do better. You should do better. A boyfriend should add something to your life, not take from it.
Get rid of the little boy and find a man.
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