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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been in a lesbian relationship for 4 years. I deeply love my partner but she still doesn't believe I love her. She suffers from depression and it'sstarting to really get me down, as I'm not sure what else I can do to prove I love her. We live together and we do everything together, so please can you adviSe what I should do to make things better?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2005): On a more self-focused note, if you want to try and help her (and I assume you do) you need to start carefully monitoring your feelings, too. Depression is contagious, especially for people in close relationships with the afflicted. There is a genetic component for family members, but people in romantic relationships show similar patterns. If you want to play the role of helper, make sure her dim view of the world, herself, and other people isn't getting to you, too. Also, when she says she doesn't believe you love her, just remember she is asking for your reassurance. Reassure her often enough that you love her, but make sure your answers don't become ragged or annoyed if she persists in asking. This takes patience, but if she begins to detect that your reassurance is forced or halfhearted, it will only feed her feelings that she is not a loveable person. If you can't provide sincere reassurance, change the topic of conversation until your emotional batteries are recharged. Basically, my advice for you is to make sure that your own mental health is in good shape so that you can give your girlfriend sincere, healthy support. If both of you get dragged down by depression, the problem will only be aggravated for both of you.
A
female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (15 December 2005):
 If she is suffering with depression, it may be hard for her to understand that anyone can love her. Is she in therapy or on medication? She may need to seek help, she may not be able to control the depression on her own, which will make it hard on your relationship. I would advise you to be there for her and to reccomend to her to get help. Take care.
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