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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 21 years old, and have been dating a wonderful, considerate man for 1.5 years. He still opens car doors, remembers my brothers’ birthday and tolerates “chick flicks.” For the last 8 months, I have lost most of the “loving” feelings for him. I often pick pointless fights with him. I have talked with him several times concerning my feelings; we both cry, and he resolves to be a better partner. However even if he gave me the moon and stars, I’m not sure that would change my feeling for him. Furthermore, I do not believe that he is the partner that needs to make a change. When I think about leaving him, I am filled with sadness and regret. I consider that maybe this is real love and I need to make a more concerted effort to “feel it” since the relationship has lost its newness. I just don’t know what I need or should do. I feel lost. Thank you for reading. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2006): Hi ya i feel tht a i am in sort of the same boat as you but it the other was around for me my boyfriend said to me that he now just want to be friend! but we have only been going out about 5 months and i feel that thats only the beginning of the relationship and that he is not giving it a chance and i adont know what to do? i love him to much just to become friend, i to theink about finishing it but like u it also feels me with sadness and i cry too, so i suject that you need to have a chat and maybe go away for the weekend and have some quality time together to regain any love that you might have for him, that is what i am going to need to do with my boyfriend, i know its hard and they do put you through hell for it but honestly the best thing i think is having a good chat and letting each other know how you feel and maybe it will all turn out for the best good luck!! Smile :)
A
female
reader, MilanaNYC21 +, writes (16 January 2006):
 Wow, this sounds all too familiar to me. I had been involved in a long term relationship, with this really sweet and kind hearted guy. One problem, I loved him but was not really IN LOVE. I would often fight with him, anger him and treat him awfully because I wanted him to break up with me rather than going through the agony of dumping him. Anyway, if your heart genuinely tells you, that this relationship is not for you, chances are you should listen.
You are very worried about hurting him and that is understandable. However, you will hurt him far more in the long run by keeping him in a relationship that your heart is not completely in! I suggest moving on with your life and giving real love a chance, the kind that leaves you tingly and giggly inside.
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