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anonymous
writes: Hello Aunts, thanks for reading.My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now. About three months were actually together, and the remaining time has been spent long-distance. We've visited each other a few times inbetween, and believe me, the visits are great.Now, here's the tricky part. We were pretty good in the time we spent actually together, and our visits have been amazing (mostly due to the fact that we're just so excited to see each other). But he has always been such an intensely emotional and sensative person that it honestly drives me crazy. When we were together for the first few months, he was so incredibly jealous that I just wanted to pull all my hair out. So, he calmed down with all the jealousy, but it's still always so many questions about everything I do, and anytime I have a problem with something he's breaking into tears. It doesn't even phase me anymore when he cries, because it's like he's just putting on a show to make me feel guilty and give in. As you can imagine, we've always argued a lot over the phone (not as much in person, though).It's stressing me out a lot. I've talked to him about this and he always says we'll be better, but things never change. I've even broken up with him a few times, but he always convinces me to give it another chance. And of course, things never change. I'm tired of running around in circles with this.I honestly don't know if I love him anymore on top of all this. He is looking for a relationship that is so serious, and having gotten out of a long serious relationship just before beginning to date him, I really don't want seriousness. He questions my love for him constantly and always seems to think that I just want to get with other men, and the more he says it, the more he seems to even convince me of it. When I look at his picture, I don't see him as being the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. And since that's what he wants from me, I feel like I am being really unfair to him by giving him all these chances, even though he begs me for them any time I try to break up with him.I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm scared to lose him forever, as he is such a great guy, but keeping him around when I feel this way is not doing him any favors. How can I stick to my guns and just do what needs doing? How do I even know what to do? The last thing I want to do is hurt him, so this is really hard.I know this post got really long, so thank you so much for reading, everybody!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008): The guy seems to feel insecure. Is he like that from the beginning? Or something about you have changed? I believe some guy are quite sensitive.
My gf never ask things or check me. She never want to know who I am going out with. I don't know if she felt assured or she just doesn't care.
For me, it is good that he is jealous about something you do. It shows that he cares about you so much. I don't mean purposely making someone jealous just to get attention is a nice thing to do.
In a relationship, if there is some jealousy towards each other, I feel that is so cute. I think that implies the buzz is still there. If a couple can maintain the feeling they just get started forever, that is very wonderful and they are going to make it till the end.
Your past bad experience makes you don't want to be too serious. I won't say you are wrong because you are protecting yourself. But for the guy, indeed it is not fair.
Well, I think there is nothing fair even in love. For a couple, the love will never be equal. There will be the one who love more than being loved.
Personally, I don't think there is a need to search for equality as long the couple knows what to do when there is problem and they can't be wrong at the same time.
Like now, maybe you can reflect on yourself. Did the way you treat him changed? If not and if you love him that much, assure him. Talk to him. Resolve the problem. If you can accept who he is, that is the time you can picture him as the one.
Best of wishes
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008): He is not unusual as many, many people experience fears, insecurity and jealousies. It's a sign of deep lack of self-confidence and it's unhealthy. He is experiencing so much distress from this unhealthy mindset and his anxiety is spilling over onto you. It sounds like you don't necessarily 'like' him and have lost respect for him This is unfair to yourself and to him. Trust your instincts here. I am of the opinion, that as soon as you know it's not right, you end it. There are so many people out there, who remained with someone they didn't even like and they grow embittered. Don't be one of those people, hun. Dating is a selection process-you don't necessarily plan a future with every man you date. I think you need to find someone you respect and love, for the right reasons. I don't see this in your posting, about this man. So stop feeling guilty and stop allowing him to convince you to go back to him, when you do break up. If this is not working...cut him lose and keep looking for the right one.
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female
reader, sexylildevil  +, writes (1 August 2008):
 Yeah I cant definatly see your delima there. Guys that are super sensitive can be really hard to break up with because they always make you feel really bad. But look at it this way if you dont love him and know you dont want to be with him for the rest of your life how are you going to find the guy you really want to be with when your already seeing him even though you know it is a completely dead end relationship. Plus if he is looking for a serious relationship and you know thats not something you can give him then even though you keep going back out with him and it is easing his hurt for the time being it is only prolonging his pain in the long run and possiably keeping him from finding the girl that is going to be the one that wants to spend the rest of her life with him. So just think of it as doing him a favor he will one day thank you for when you break up with him and just remember he isnt the one who you want to spend the rest of your life with. hope everything works out.
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