A
male
age
36-40,
*shhh
writes:Right this is a VERY long one..Back in October last year i was seeing another girl casually, i had been single for a long time and well we began talking and a few things lead to another we never slept together though i told her i didn't want sex, she did. So naturally we fell out of contact but i still really liked her as a person and told her so many times but she didn't want a relationship, btw i was a virgin at this point.While i was messing with this girl another girl from the same place i worked came into my life she told me about this other girl was messing me about for sex and i'd be hurt, she was right. Anyway i carried on chatting to this other girl online she was heavily pregnant and due anyway so i couldn't really see her in person. Give or take a month or so we didn't speak and she came online told me about her baby boy and i was delighted for her, i was still a bit obsessed with this other girl but anyway.Fast forward to December and the other girl basically i heard through her friend at work she liked me, i never knew how much but anyway i brushed it off, and come the end of December she told me herself how much she liked me. So we continued talking and on New Years Eve i slept with her not sexually though i went round slept in her bed and we spoke all night about so many things till morning and i went home. I thought she was awesome although she'd just recently a month back had a baby it didn't bother me, i got to know her more and we ended up eventually sleeping together 'properly' losing my virginity to her but i never told her she didn't even notice and a week later we were officially an item.Anyway we were so happy, we went for a weekend away for valentines day i was so happy with things.. In March she had an argument with her step-dad who basically told her he wanted her out, so my girlfriend being who she was stormed out and got her own house and despite i didn't really want to it felt right and i moved in with her and her baby. We played happy families for many months and in July we went to Turkey together were i proposed and she said yes i was never happier.Now this girl she had always liked men, i don't mean in a sleeping around way but her head would be turned by people quite often and it didn't bother me she always told me she was mine forever. Mid August this year anyway she went out one night i looked after the baby and she got so drunk she kissed another guy and it was with a guy i knew as well. She txt me saying she realized how much she loved me, and she was so sorry even bought me a card and presents to say sorry, naturally i forgave her and well thought that was the end of it.A few weeks later she started saying VERY weird things like saying she wanted to be single again, didn't know if we were working but i just thought it was a stressful time as we were picking a new house with the current one rent needing renewing so after some talk we decided we would take a week from each other, basically be single for a week and get back together in a new house and start a new life, it appealed to me i needed some me time anyway so i agreed to it.So we went our seperate ways, i just couldn't help myself though and i txt her if she was coming online later and she said yeah after work... Anyway i waited and waited when she finished but she never appeared but she txt me saying she had got home and was having a drink then watching TV, knowing i had forgot my charger i thought i'd just surprise her so i went round and she wasn't even in the house.I text her saying why was she lying to me and it turns out she was meeting this other guy that she kissed with his friends i was devastated. I went round the next day demanding the shots and she told me it was all harmless and as friends so i believed her but a friend told me he was staying at hers tonight they were having a party at hers so again i went round because i thought she was sleeping around. She told me to stop behaving like an idiot and go away, so i did and the next day she told me it was over...Anyway we broke all contact we had a massive argument in public on facebook and well she was out of my life for good, around 5 days later she text me... after a night out saying she'd had an argument with that lad and she hoped i was happy, i text her saying i wasnt happy but what had happened. Then she called me and told me about him and how she was unsure about him etc.. I told her i'd be there for her and such but i couldn't come round like i used to and pretend to be friends.Ok fast forward to today she has just told me over facebook she is 2nd best to him he was meant to come round tonight but still hasn't turned up, shes sick of him behaving like he does treating her like shes not here etc, i told her he was probably an idiot etc, then ended up saying i wanted her back and i regretted behaving last week like i did and i wish we had our new house. She burst out crying saying she was so excited about it and wished the same.. I told her it could be saved if we got back together but she told me things were different and there wouldn't be much chance of that happening and now she hasn't replied to my last text of me saying i loved her still, maybe he has come home i don't know.I'm sat here writing this now wondering whats going to happen, all it takes i feel is another argument between them two and she might come running back i really don't know how to handle it, i was trying to move on but now i'm waiting for them to splitup, really confused that maybe im just a friend in this i don't know.
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male
reader, ashhh +, writes (25 September 2009):
ashhh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to update with what happened :( its crazy..
The other day i went to my ex's for lunch and she said her now boyfriend would be round at 5pm but he never turned up and she was really annoyed almost crying told me she didn't think they were going to last and that he didn't care about her etc.. i was hoping something would happen between us at one point after all this came out and i stayed a little longer she came up really close 2 me a few times almost teasing me if you will but nothing happened.
Now the same night i text her saying i really didn't know how i felt but deep down i didn't think we'd ever get back together and it was time for me to move on really unless we got back together soon, she said you don't know the future...
Now she started being weird with me saying me texting her is causing arguments with them 2 so i backed off and the day after which was yesterday she told me that i should come round we needed to talk... i asked her if it was good or bad and she told me it was good well she thought it was anyway.
So i went round and well after some flirting and talking we ended up kissing on her bed over and over we cuddled up i was over the moon. She told me she loved me and wanted to get back together but she didnt want to hurt this other guy who despite all this she still likes. She told me she was confused didn't have a clue what she wanted and it was best i didn't text her so much.
I'm so confused about what will happen, i know whats happened in the past but i just want her back but i don't know i thought maybe she was playing me but we were almost crying in each others arms last night so i'm really not sure i just want things to be how they were.
A
female
reader, melanie0083  +, writes (16 September 2009):
 i can almost be certain that once it is over with her and this other guy, she will no doubt come back to you. The question here, is what will you do when she comes crawling back? It just seems as though she is using you. You need to think about risking her cheating on you again if you were to take her back. You are still so young, and this is your 1st REAL relationship. Enjoy the single life for a bit. When I went through my divorce, I was diagnosed with depression. It help that I went out and met new people. (just friends) It helped me get over everything. My depression medication helped heal my thoughts, but starting a NEW life with NEW friends and all helped me move on. I was a totally new person all around. It's not healthy to your mind (which effects your body) to keep in contact with her. And to hear about her problems with some other guy? Do you really WANT to hear about all that? I know it's hard to WANT to get to know other people right now, but trust me, it WILL take your mind off her. You can even meet new people online now a days. (It's actually funny, but one of my high school gals actually met her husband through facebook...LOL) I know you can do it.
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A
female
reader, applebite8821 +, writes (15 September 2009):
 Hey, i really feel for you.I know its hard to let go of people we love and wonder why especially the mean ones are the ones we can't let go. I really don't know what to say to you as I am also in the same situation.But from my understanding of your story, it seems like your girlfriend doesn't love you. Maybe cares for you but not in love with you. And why would you still allow her to make you a fool like that? Imagine, going back and forth to you and this other guy.Please, you can do better than this. I know it is very hard to forget someone like her but the more you stay in this relationship, the more you suffer and the more difficult it would be for you to move on.If you still have hopes she'll get back to you, still the best thing would be to stay away and let's see how lost she is without you. You know, people sometimes realize what they lost until they actually lost it.Good luck to you.
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A
male
reader, ashhh +, writes (15 September 2009):
ashhh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk to update, they had another argument already and she asked me to go around today, i told her i was busy and well meh, now shes saying that hes asking her for another chance and she doesn't know if i can go round.. Don't know what to expect really if she doesn't give him the chance.
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A
female
reader, melanie0083 +, writes (15 September 2009):
okay...your putting yourself as the "back-up" guy. Don't accept her behavior! She is really at the wrong and your almost condoning it. She cheated, plus has moved on. you should too. You are not her #1. Any woman would love to have a man like you who cares for someone else's child. She is very stupid but most of all has disrespected you. All the things you have done for her...and she treated you like this? Toying with your feelings? At the least, she could have broke it off with you BEFORE getting involved with another guy. You at least deserved that. She must have felt that this is what she wanted for a while. Feelings like this don't happen over night. And you CAN NOT be in love with 2 people at the same time! So stop being so nice to this woman! Move on!
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