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female
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anonymous
writes: I've been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for the last 6 months, now he has proposed. but I cheated on him, with this guy at my school I am still seeing him and I think my feelings are divided, I'm actualy supposed to meet his parents when I get back home. I feal like just leaving him becoz of what I've done. But I luv him....I'm confused what should I do, should I just leave him. Confused.
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (19 September 2006):
 Hi Anon,
I read that you feel like you should leave because of what you've done. I agree with you, but don't you realize it's more than that? It's what you're *still* doing.
Having feelings for more than one person can be a hard spot to be in, but what makes it even harder is if you're in a relationship with one of them. And you're in a relationship with both! Like you said, you've gotten yourself all confused. That's no good. So how do you fix it?
I suggest that you take time away from both of these guys. In my opinion, if you stay with just one then you will still constantly be thinking about the other, right? Having time alone will help you to figure out if either of these guys is a better match for you. And I'm not talking about just a few days - I mean set aside a good amount of time to just do your own thing. You might realize that you wouldn't want to be with either one of them.
Now what I think you should do is think of it from you long distance bf's perspective. Do you think that he would want to be in a relationship with someone who has been cheating on him? Probably not. If I were you, I'd do him the favor of just leaving. That is, unless you're willing to talk to him about it and try working on regaining his trust.
Many people think that it's a bad idea to tell the person who's been cheated on that you've been seeing someone else. That it causes unnecessary upset. I don't think this is right. I believe that a person should know what kind of partner they are dating so they have an idea of what they are getting themselves into if the relationship progresses.
As for the other guy, does he know you're already involved with someone else? If he doesn't, you can either tell him or not, like what I mentioned above. If he does know, do you really want to spend time with someone who could be so disrespectful as to split up a couple? To me, that would mean the person doesn't have the same morals as me. It would seriously make me reconsider the relationship. But everyone's different, so that might not be the way you feel.
So I suggest breaking it off with both guys and spending time figuring out your feelings and think about it from their perspectives. If you get back with one of them, I think you owe it to that person to be truthful about what has been going on.
Take care.
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