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female
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anonymous
writes: I so want my ex boyfriend back but I think its hopeless.He called a break and then said he didnt see a long term future for us, so we broke up. We had been together two and a half years in a long distance relationship, and had planned to get married and everything. THings werent amazing for a while before we broke up but i didnt see it coming.I went on a three week holiday, but since then, we have hardly spoken. He is friends with my friends so I have to hear what he's doing etc. He sends me occasional text messages and emails, but why doesnt he want to talk to me on the phone? After two and a half years of being really really serious, how can he just cut off like that? One reason we used to argue is that he can be so cold and seemingly indifferent about me, but i didnt expect this. We were so close and he has no desire to speak to me at all any more. I so want him back, but how can I if he doesnt want to speak to me, I cant remind him of how amazing things were?I know you will all tell me that he has moved on and i need to, and Im trying - have been on a couple of dates already. But every day that passes is another day closer to when he gets someone else, and i cant bear that. Should I lay it on the line and tell him how i feel, that i want him back? I have been pretending that i have moved on but i doubt he believes it. Also, I got angry last week and texted him asking why he doesnt want to talk to me. His response was along the lines of "Why are you being like this, what do you want from me, i told you i am busy, etc etc."GOD it is hopeless isnt it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2007): I'm in exactly the same situation as you. My boyfriend text me out of the blue saying it was over because he didn't love me anymore. I was really upset as the previous weekend we'd spent a lovely time together and nothing seemed wrong.So I called him, he sounded sad and I think has got money worries at the moment. Thinking that he was taking it out on me, the money worries etc I thought I'd give him a few days to think things through. Anyway I text him on the weekend just to say I was finding it hard as we'd been so close and it was like losing a best friend.He just replied he'd met someone else. It was so hurtful and humiliating. Don't get in touch with him, get out and enjoy yourself. You don't want to hear things that would really hurt you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2007): Yes, I'm afraid it is hopeless, sorry to say!
It hurts, and you will grieve over it for a while, but you do need to see what you can learn from your relationship so that you can move on, you know.
Look: he told you he wanted to break up and didn't envision a long term future together. He occasionally sends texts or emails. He probably doesn't feel good about leaving you COMPLETELY high and dry after being together two years, but neither does he want to give you any false hopes of a resumption of your relationship. That's why he doesn't phone you.
This is further borne out by his response when you sent him an angry message last week.
And I'm struck by how you could think you and he were "so close" and yet he can be "cold and indifferent." But perhaps you mean his behavior changed after he broke up. That's to be expected. It really is not generally a good idea to try to remain friends with an ex or to try to get him/her back! Broken up means its over with, finished, past history and if you are in constant contact by phone or text or email, you don't give yourself a chance to move on.
I know its hard to accept, but I'm afraid you have no choice in this matter.
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