A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. I have posted on here before and appreciated your replies. I moved in with my partner a year ago almost, we lived a few hours apart. we met on the internet. he was in the army. He has 2 kids from a previous marraige that ended badly. he got really hurt. We have the kids every other weekend and most of the school holidays, weeks she chooses and swaps and changes whenever she likes and we just have to ajust. He left the army a few months ago after 25 years service cause he said he wanted to focus more on the kids and not have to go away anymore. he has now taken a job where he has to be away all week and come home at the weekends. i moved away from my family and friends and i sit at home every night alone waiting for the weekend to spend time with him, but more often than not, we have the kids. he dotes on them and spends the whole weekend playing with them and i feel like im being ignored.They are 13 and 10 but still need his attention all weekend. they stay up late and i sometimes go to bed before them as they think they are missing out on something. I do get along with the kids, they are great and try to join in with things but i still feel like i dont have a purpose. im not sure what it is. I have brought up the subject of marraige and he does not want to know. once bitten and all that, he does not want any more kids which i would have liked one more. mine are reaching adults now. I live in his house which he says is his kids nest egg and when we have disgussed buying a house together he just says maybe but he doesnt want to sell HIS house. i do own my own property and have said im willing to sell it in order for us to move on together but he wont take that plunge. I can understand he was hurt by his ex wife as was i by my ex husband but u love him and want to spend the rest of my ife with him. Him letting me move in is the only commitment i think im going to get. He says he loves me but im not too sure. I moved here to be with him instead of just seeing him on the weekends but seeing as he has taken a job working away, i may as well have stayed where i was. My life now revolves around him and the kids. I dont really have one. Is this ever going to work and do you think he is a bit selfish or is it me overreacting. please tel me what you think. Thank you.
View related questions:
ex-wife, his ex, move on, moved in, my ex, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): In my opinion, every thing is fair and understandable.
you moved in knowing that he has kids and it is good to see that he has kids as priority and he loves to spend time with them.
i feel you should adjust to it, after all every man or women will have one or other baggage with him. this is what life is, we need to adjust to make it work.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): hey
i agree with the previous poster. I think that he is being selfish and not really considering how you must be feeling in all of this.
If I were in this situation, i would sit him down to talk and explain that as much as you love him and his kids, you are his woman now and he needs to treat you as the main priority over his ex. I'm not saying over his kids, cos kids obviously come first, but if she is swapping and changing plans then that is not fair and shouldn't be allowed.
If he is unwilling to commit to you (especially after your sacrifice of moving to be with him) then I'd seriously think about walking away. It will be hard, but this situation is not making you happy either and it's either a few months of pain while you get over him or years and years of pain being with a man who is not giving you the respect and recognition you deserve as his partner.
If he really does love you he will accommodate your wishes. If he doesn't well, why would you want to settle for 2nd best of a man that doesn't love you enough to want to make you happy? There are many men out there hun, but you gotta get rid of the wrong one first to find him.
I speak from personal experience so I do know what I am talking about
Good luck x
...............................
A
female
reader, Black diamond20  +, writes (13 August 2010):
hes taking what she did on you she still wants to be in control i say this because you two have the kids most of the time and she just do as she pleases thats not right!tell him its eith he shows you the attention you need or you can move back home but before you do that tell him that you need a weekend just for you two and the next week for the children and his ex needs to understand what she had is yours now she has no more control and everyother weekend is for you and your man and on those days you two have alone go to dinner,beach,movies anywhere exciting and that will keep you two busy for the whole weekend so when he comes home again you two can have laughs over and for the kids bedtime 10 not latter he needs to put his foot down unplugg the tv if you have to i know thwy wont stay up in the dark.lol:)..ps good luck
...............................
|
