A
male
age
51-59,
*evastated daddy
writes:i had been happily married for 12 years to a beautiful woman who i loved dearly, something i always thought was mutual. we had about 5 years together before we both decided to start a family, and were overjoyed when our first child was born in 2000, perfect in everyway we went on to have a further 2 children, life just couldnt get any better, a gorgeous family, a good business and a good quality of life... sadly, just after the birth of our third child, we discovered that my wives real father, whom she had been denied having contact with, since the age of 5, had died on the year of our wedding. we had only recently discovered her real family, and this coupled with her grandmother dying was a tremendous blow to us all. i tried everything in my power to make things right and help out as much as i could, but it was very difficult. later in the same year 2007, i booked us a wonderful holiday and payed a man to build a website for my wife, something she always wanted. the holiday seemed to have the desired effect, and on our return she seemed a lot happier, this continuing for a couple of months. until oneday i returned from work, earlier than usual, to find the doors locked and no children, i went round the side of the house to the conservatory and found them open... i walked in to hear my wife laughing, obviously talking on the phone.. the content of the conversation shocked me to the core.. my wife was openly laughing about the death of our little baby, born after our first child, she was giggling like a teenager and talking most of the time in a dirty way....i left very quietly, but devastated. when i returned later that evening, nothing was mentioned, but she was acting very strange...over the course of the next few weeks, things became worse, hidden mobile phones, texting, driving off for half an hour at the same time every night, doors locked with her upstairs, clearly on the phone..... i didnt know what to do !!but the bombshell was dropped on the night before my birthday, she told me, she no longer wanted me and would i move out... devastated, and completely lost, i did as she asked, and returned some evenings and weekends to see my dear little children who had never missed a day of their little lives seeing their dad, and were confused and equaly devastated... my wife on the other hand was changing by the day, the old loving mummy was gone, and showed no interest in the children or indeed myself, her appearence was unbelievable, dyed black hair, bright nail varnish, mini skirts, a complete change... she now talked quite openly infront of the children about her new love ( turned out to be the web designer ) .. after 15 years of being together, i meant nothing to her and was now living in my car in various lay-bys, the house i had spent every waking hour renovating a few years before was now like a tip. at this point i made a decision to stand my ground, and after seeking advice from CAB, i returned home ... this to me was a good idea at the time, the children flocked around me, and neighbours suggested they were loads happier, i managed to get them in a good routine, with the two eldest enjoying school again. the happiness was very short lived, after a few weeks of being subjected to my wife torturing me with her explicit phone calls, as well as alnight web-cam sessions and dissapearing for nights on end, i again walked into another phone conversation, this time more sinister.. she was talking to a solicitor, and was asking advice on having me removed permantly from my home, he suggested to her, that she was to try and involve the police as much as possible.....she did !! the police were called on at least 4 occasions, and infront of the children..i had done nothing, but was still removed from my home. i decided to tape record any hint of police involvement to prove my innocence, but this was always ignored. after christmas, in the early part of 08, i was again removed and told not to return for a week, my wife was laughing behind the policemans back. ... at this point it felt like i no longer knew my wife and seemed as though my life was falling apart .... i returned home after a week to find my house destroyed and my children gone... this was march 08.. ever since that date, i have fought to my last penny in trying to reach my children, i have now been to court 9 times and my wife has 14 broken orders against her name... my life is in ruins, how could another human being do this ? people in my area are in shock, i have hundreds of letters explaining what a perfect husband and father i was, but nobody seems to be able to help. to sum up my life at the moment... a torture, a slow painful death !!
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christmas, grandmother, her ex, neighbour, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): I don't really know what to say to you who is going through so much pain. My heart goes out to you. Maybe the best thing would be to try to get in touch with your children and maintain a relationship with them. Forget your wife. I am so sorry this happened to you. Just hang in there. This will all pass. Move on and move forward. Wishing you the best.
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (27 May 2009):
 wow. that is an astonishing tale, and you have been extraordinarily unlucky, and your children. having said that, this sort of thing often, i am afraid, happens to women - it just seems so shocking when it happens to a man.
she has betrayed you, and doesn't want you in her life, and has trashed everything. i am so sorry for you - what can you do now? you just have to return to court for the time being. i also think you need to find someone else - someone truly nice - although i fear you will find it hard to trust after all this. what about your poor children? it is just such a dreadful tale i find it almost impossible to believe, but yet i think it is true. you poor thing. who do you have to support you?
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A
male
reader, devastated daddy +, writes (27 May 2009):
devastated daddy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am so glad that i found this site, the help in understanding my situation is something i am very thankful for. In response to your answer Gina, i have had the help of lawyers, but sadly my wife keeps failing to attend the court hearings, maybe this will eventually work in myself and the childrens favour, i dont know. An interesting point i forgot to mention, my wife served a divorce petition on me, and sited, iratreavable break down. I signed this but disagreed with the content, this was in december 08, ive heard nothing since. thankyou so much for your help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): You know what? I think you should go to the darn newspapers with that. Like the person before said, i would shame her so bad she can't walk down the street without being in fear of neighbours stoning her! Everyone would know what she had done.
The news would do some good for once.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (27 May 2009):
 OMG!
Sir, my heart goes out to you and what you have been through. I know hindsight is 20/20, but why on God's Earth did you move out? It should have been her leaving, for she betrayed the relationship and your family!
and you keep asking yourself "How can someone do this'? The answer lies in the fact that she has no respect for you or your children. Cheaters care only for themselves. It is nothing you did, for they simply do not care one iota about anyone but them.
I have no idea how you can be so self torturing as to go back to that house. I would see a solicitor as soon as possible. Cancel any joint bank accounts you have with her. If need be open some in your children's name with you as authorizer of funds for them. If you cant trust her with her Vagina, you cant trust her with your money.
sounds like this piece of garbage is dragging you and your children through a nightmare scenario.
I don't know about the UK, but letters from freinds and neighbors don't mean shit on this side of the pond.
What has she told the children? is she trying to play them off against you Have you outed her to her work, her family? God I would! I would shame her so badly she couldn't walk down the street without a Burqua on for fear of being stoned by the neighbors.
What is inportant here is your children and you. This whore is a lost cause. Don't waste another tear over her.
Realize that it is of no use to mull over the why of the matter.You will get trickle down truth anyway.
Get tested for STD's as well...you cant trust a word out of that blowhole in her face.
You will never get the answers you seek in their entirety, and to stick around and even give her the time of day is destroying you.
Please feel free to PM me and I can direct you to some additional resources and some people that may be able to give you more intensive advice. The last thing you need right now is to feel like you are on an island. I can promise you that you are not alone.
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