A
male
age
36-40,
*ntWnaLive41105
writes:This is my first question cuz I just signed up... sorry if this is long. My gf and I met when I was 17 an she was 16 we started dating and we both were always excited to see each other an plan days ahead. We didn't go to the same schools and we lived about 45 minutes away from each other. She did the usual in school and wrote me notes and I mean a lot lol.. and would right my name on her books an add I love him etc... I wound up moving into her house with her mom just about 4 months later.Things we great we were both happy that we got to be with each other every second and she still would right notes to me and I was always happy to read them. I drove without a license so it was suspended at the time but I either rollerblade skateboard walked or biked to her scool to watch her play school sports, all the girls she knew were always saying I was cute an how sweet and nice I am and they wished there bf's were like me. Now we been together for 3 years 7 months, and things have just gone down to the bottom of the ocean dark and all..I'm now 21 and she's turning 20 next week, we had a baby boy in January and when she told me she was pregnant, she wasn't happy, she started saying I ruined her life and everything, but as further and closer he was coming to be born and when he was she was so happy and now that he is here, but she is in second year of college. This is were Ii need help, she writes me notes at home or on the computer and says that it should be over and see other people and that we were young when we loved each other and she wants to see where our relationship will go and if we're meant to be cuz she don't wanna second guess herself anymore and says she is depressed. I don't know what to do then there is this guy she dated long ago who dumped her for another girl and now he's been trying to get them to hangout and say all this sweet stuff to here and misses her and all and he's always like I love you, I miss you, I regret dumping you and now there hanging out Friday and I don't know what to do, I feel like they're gonna hook up or something and I'll be crushed like anything.But This is the other part while she says it's over and wanna see other people when we go out to the store she sees an engagement ring, I tell her I'll buy her one and she looks at them an says I like this one or that one and I am being serious, and she's always looking at places online for us to move to in Florida and also she sees friends that she hasn't seen in a long while. She says we'll be together for 4 years in April and stuff but she only tells like to guys she dumped me or anything. I need to know what to do I love her to death and I bend over backwards for her, I get what she needs and I massage her every day, I buy her stuff and roses too as she's my son's mom and I just want her to love me again and everything like it used to be but she says things will never be like that again and I just want us to be a family.. Sometimes I guess I give her the wrong idea cuz she will hold my hand an I'll hold hers for a few and let go maybe I shouldn't let go of her.. I need to fix this an be a mature man and act my age I guess too, I act younger and what now? Please help me, I really need it.. guess I'm a great guy but loves not meant for me.
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male
reader, DntWnaLive41105 +, writes (10 November 2008):
DntWnaLive41105 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey everyone thank u for ur support well now my gf an i had talked an she said if she lives here with me were gonna break up but she said she moves home an what notwe will stay together she needs her space i understand so were stayintogether that way se can miss me like old times an really love me again ill keep use updated i promise thank u
A
male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (2 November 2008):
 Your life is not finished. You going through a difficult time and you can't see the end of the tunnel, which can cause you to be depressed and worried. It is wrong from your girl to say that you riuned her life because when she got pregant I assume that you had a mutual agreement on having sex. Even if she has a baby boy now it is blowing it out of preportion to say that her life is riuned. She is just trying to find somebody to put the blame on 100%.
You seem to be a responsible person and a caring farther and seem to care for your girl friend. It is vitally important for you and your girl friend to talk to each other about your feeling, good reasoning and comunication is important. You need patients. However if your girl friend wants to terminate the relationship there is nothing you can do about it. You need to accept that. However if she decides to brake up with you and mess around with other guys instead, that is irresposible on her part.
Don't say that love is not meant for you because of what happened, don't let this incident effect your self-esteem. Everybody has a dilema in their life at some point.
Good luck and take care!
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A
female
reader, ars07k +, writes (2 November 2008):
I think it's a little late for her to want to date other people...you guys have a child together and your main concerns should be the health and happiness of that child. Try to explain that to her. Buy her an engagement ring and be the mature man that you are, ask her to marry you and help her finish school. Be there for her. Explain to her that she needs to graduate from school and then you guys can move somewhere else. She should atleast get her AA. Tell her that you want to be with her and for the sake of your child, be there for her. I think she doesn't want to accept the life that she has and live like a normal 19 year old, but she isn't normal and needs to accept that. You sound like a wonderful guy. Explain to her your feelings and that you'll be there for her. I think she's just scared. I wish you luck with everything.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (2 November 2008):
 Hi,
Please don't do anything impulsive. I am so, so sorry for the pain you're going through, but your life isn't finished. There are loads of people in the world who fell into despair at one point, or another, and wanted to kill themselves, but they didn't... and now they are grateful that they didn't. There's light at the end of the tunnel, and all that...
Please be strong for your son.
I feel bad because my answer might make you sad, but I think that you deserve to know the truth... you can't make someone love you. Your girlfriend sounds immature, I'm not trying to be mean, but she sounds like she doesn't know what she wants, and I don't think she's ready for marriage. You CAN, however, show her how much you love her. I think that you need to talk to her and tell her all the things you've said here.
I think that it would help you to get relationship counseling, or to talk to a pastor or priest. Ask the girlfriend if she'd be willing to go with you. Tell her it would mean a lot to you.
You can always come and talk to the aunts here at this site, as well. :)
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