A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for four years (since she was 17 and I was 18). We have been through a lot together and it's been a rocky relationship to say the least. Her family is extremely religious but they have started to come around, she has always struggled with disappointing them because of her sexuality. Last week she began to act strange so I asked her what was wrong, she said she wanted some separation to become better as individuals and to grow on our own. I was hurt but I came to terms with it and told her I was going to move home, she changed her tune when I told her this and said she didn't want to lose me and that I was her best friend. We decided to continue going and dates and spending time together while we got our seperation. The first night apart she wouldnt text me back when she said she would, this is very unlike her. I'll skip the details but she ended up telling me the next day that she went to a buck and doe, got very drunk and ended up sleeping with a guy friend. It was unprotected, but she stopped it after about 5 minutes (from what she can remember) and went home. Firstly I'm concerned about the sex being unprotected because she could still end up pregnant and secondly I'm wondering if this happened so as to appease her religious parents. I just need someone's opinion on what they think may be going on with her. She has continually said it was a mistake and that she's thinking clearly now and she loves me very much. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2014): I'm so sorry. I really feel for you. It must be so hurtful when you love someone and they cheat on you. I think you should end this relationship. Personally, I couldn't and wouldn't stay with someone who cheated on me. If she really loved you, she wouldn't have done what she did. It wasn't a mistake. She knew what she was doing, and she chose to do it. It doesn't matter what the reason was. She has been disrespectful towards you.The thought shouldn't have even entered her head.You say the relationship has been rocky. Do you know if she cheated before this ?. What are the other reasons why it has been rocky ?. Also, I'm assuming you have always been faithful to her, is that right ? ( if you don't mind me asking ? ).I also think that she should have discussed this with you before she did it to see if you were ok with the situation. Some people are into open relationships , some aren't. If she had discussed it with you and asked you about it, would you have been ok with it, or would you have told her not to do it ?.I hope I have helped.
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (10 June 2014):
 It's possible that her difficulty in coping with her family's reaction to her sexuality led her to get drunk and see if she could enjoy sex with a guy.
It's also possible that she had sex with him because she wanted to and told you afterwards because she felt guilty or was afraid you might find out anyway.
Or neither of those things, but some other reason entirely.
What needs to be noted here is that cheating is cheating, whether she did it with a man or another woman. The fact that she cheated with someone outside her usual preference doesn't excuse or lessen the behavior. She disrespected you and the relationship you share, and how you choose to handle that is a decision only you can make.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 June 2014):
 Maybe she was curious? Wanted to see what the big deal (about men) was.
Those are not excuses, mind you, but a possible explanation.
I think the relationship has run it's course. When people start dating young they will inevitable feel they are missing out, one way or another. She wants to "try" things but she also wants to have you. So have her cake and eat it. Yes, she might regret having sex with a guy, but that doesn't mean she won't try again or that you can truly forgive and move on.
I think when someone is unsure of her sexuality (specially when pressured from family and church) - they start to doubt themselves. And I think that is where she is at.
It really up to you and how you feel, my fear (for you) is that she will do something like this again. Which puts YOU at risk too.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 June 2014):
I can't tell you what her motivation was. What I really think is the issue is your willingness to stay in such a volatile relationship, and with a cheater no less.
Is this what you think you deserve? I'd this what you think is normal? It doesn't have to be. Even if you have some issues and aren't perfect (who is?) there's someone better for you. Someone who's personality blends with yours instead of clashing with it.
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