A
female
age
30-35,
*aperlillies
writes:I'm going to try and keep this as brief as possible.Last night I learned that my long-distance boyfriend is into sadistic/masochistic sex. I'm really surprised, because he's a really sweet and gentle guy. I'm a virgin, with zero sexual activity in my past (aside from occasional masturbation) and am really uncomfortable with the idea. Apparently he likes candle wax burning, body cutting (tiny lacerations), and other stuff that 'leaves a mark'. I'm already kind of lacking in sexual attraction to him, but there is an emotional bond. How do I deal with his... interests (for lack of a better word), while preserving what have in that aspect? ---- I seriously hope this made sense. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 December 2012):
 I think you two are far to mismatched when it comes to sexuality - for someone to have gratifying sex when they are into Sadistic stuff is to find someone who wants and likes the same things.
Sorry, I would walk away from this.
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain +, writes (22 December 2012):
Sorry but this sounds odd, how did you find this out? If it really is true then you want to keep him as long distance as possible and find someone you better relate to, preferably nearby!!
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A
male
reader, Guruburu  +, writes (22 December 2012):
You could try finding a "SDR" (short distance relationship, a.k.a conventional relationship) with someone who shares your sexual interests and with whom you have an emiotional connection. Remember: there are over 7 billion people on earth.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 December 2012):
 This relationship is going to be frustrating for both of you long term, it's best to cut your losses now and move on. You can't make yourself like these things and if it isn't a part of his sex life he'll probably feel frustrated. Sorry.
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A
female
reader, paperlillies +, writes (22 December 2012):
paperlillies is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, everyone.
And yeah, I know he's not screwed up or anything. I don't attribute my being a virgin to my lack of interest in his 'interests'.
I don't really know how our relationship is going to unfold, but we'll see.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (22 December 2012):
I'm not going to say break up with him because that's not what you asked. You should just remember that it's pretty common and it doesn't mean he's screwed up or anything, so I'd try not to judge him too much if you really want to be with him. That being said you should know that things like this often progress into more risky acts. So if you're not comfortable with it now, don't think he's going to grow out of it.
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A
female
reader, janetenneshehan  +, writes (22 December 2012):
 I believe that lack of sexual bond, but still having an emotional connection hints that you may not be ready for a relationship with him. perhaps you two are meant to be just friends!
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A
female
reader, janetenneshehan +, writes (22 December 2012):
I believe that lack of sexual bond, but still having an emotional connection hints that you may not be ready for a relationship with him. perhaps you two are meant to be just friends!
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