A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for five years, much of which has been a LDR, because I have been working on my doctorate and he is unable/unwilling to move for it. This Spring he started getting weird about me moving back and saying that maybe it would be best for my career and happiness if I didn't. (I should point out we've never lived together, just for background, so I wouldn't be moving in with him necessarily, just to the same city.) I started to question things and he issued an ultimatum - I had to say I would come back and never want to move. I said I'd come back. He said I had to have a plan, a way to earn a living, a place to live. I couldn't come up with a plan that felt realistic, so he said he couldn't deal with the uncertainty and couldn't spend his life waiting for me, so we had to break up.After that we've continued to talk every night for 30 min- 2 hours. He still says he loves me. I just came back to spend the summer working a part time job and staying with my folks and we spent the weekend together and it was wonderful, except that he keeps reminding me that we aren't together and keeps saying that _I_ chose for us to break up. (It wasn't what I wanted, so I don't get that.)I'm not ready to let go of this relationship - I haven't even told anyone else in my life that we broke up. He's not seeing anyone else yet, but it's only been a few months, and he doesn't want to think of me as his girlfriend if I'm going to leave again, nor is he willing to wait out the last year I need to finish out my doctorate...So do I move on? Do I cut myself off from someone who is also my best friend? Do I hang in there and hope for the best? Should I just enjoy the summer together and say "goodbye" in the fall?Any thoughts appreciated...
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 May 2011):
 Move on.
He's a boyfriend in name only not in actions.
A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (10 May 2011):
 Hello,
You need to move on. You both don't have the same priorities i'm afraid. Who in their right mind would set a demand to throw the Doctorate away? If I were you, i'd put all your energy into this final doctorate year and don't compromise with anybody on this.
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A
female
reader, funkykangaroo +, writes (10 May 2011):
o you have to move on. i know it seems like 5 years is such a long time to be with someone, but considering your circumstances during that realationship, i don't think it is plausible for it to work out. trust that everything happens for a reason. you should cut if off, stop even being friends for a month. not forever, just long enough to get him out of ur mind, so u can re-focus on yourself. eventually you will find someone who fits you and your life without compromise.
good luck!
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