A
male
age
51-59,
*laplanet
writes:Hi, Been married for 14 years now, 3 three lovely preteen/teen girls who are my life. My wife and I have had lots of ups and downs - in the past, mostly down to me I think. I had lots of issues lying to her about things (mostly money stuff,no cheating at all) so she has major trust issues.Nowadays, I think I'm doing a pretty good job - great father (according to wife) and no more lying about stuff. Problem is, my wife is driving me crazy - she's a functional alcoholic drinking min. 2 bottles of wine each evening. From my perspective, she's unable to get up in the morning (I take kids to school) and not really any use until 10AMish. I get home in evening and mostly have to do the cooking and cleaning, etc., while she sits on the couch asking whoever passes her by to fill her wine glass.When drinking, she starts of bizarre surreal conversations about what a crap husband I am and my patience is running out. Clearly she needs help with the drinking I know but I really don't feel much for her anymore, even if she was sober.So, on the one hand, I would like to get out of there. On the other hand, I love my kids to much to do that too them. Can't really afford to run another apartment anyway since wife is pretty much a stay-at-home mom for the kids (which is a good thing!).Help!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): Till the time you do everything around the house, she is not going to change. You are in sticky situation with her. A friend told me once - if people really had to work their ass off, we would not have so many mental problems in our country.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): this is my second wife we dont have kids my problem is sex its only when she wants and most of the time shes out of it it satisfies her but not me i wonder if it is obligation i truely love her and she says she loves me but i dont no shes had 4 before me all abusive so is it because she save and has every thing she could want i just want to be happy i dont under stand why if its so good wy does she drink so much im not good with computer but hope someone can help me please reply tonight im going to try to remeber how i got here
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A
female
reader, chasingluv315 +, writes (19 June 2007):
I am in a situation similar to yours minus the alcoholism. I am in a relationship with no feeling towards the father of my children. They are the only reason I stay, I want to keep their life stable. This decision has cost me a man I truly love as well as my best friend. In the end I hope I did the right thing, but at least I will know that I did the best for my children. As far as the alcohol problem, maybe an intervention is a good idea and involving the children might give your wife a major wake up call. I know this response wasn't much, but I hope it helps even if just a little.
Take Care
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2007): I am in a slightly similar situation, only not dealing with the alcoholism. I am unhappy in my relatioship as well and am only keeping it together for the children. This decision has cost me a man I truly love and my best friend. I'm not sure if it's going to end up being worth it in the end, but at least I can feel confident in the fact that I did my best for the children. As far as the alcohol problem, maybe an intervention is a good idea and involving the kids might be a wake up call to your wife. I hope this helped, even if just a little! Take Care!
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A
female
reader, Beckto +, writes (19 June 2007):
 Having one happy, sane and self-aware parent on the road to recovery is more important to a child (especially preteen/teenage) than having two miserable parents who are living under the same roof. Staying with your wife is enabling her to continue being an alcoholic, is making you take the role of an enabler (you're miserable too), and is continuing a dysfunctional pattern which your children will model at some point in their lives. Someone has to break the cycle, and it sounds that your wife is in no shape to do that. It's up to you.
My suggestion:
Put your children in weekly counseling. It's a lot of emotional baggage for a kid to have a mother who you can't depend on, who acts more like a child than a mother. Go yourself to one-on-one counseling too, or go to AA or Coda meetings (google it to find out what they're about and where they meet). Spouses of alcoholics go to AA meetings too, but you might like Coda meetings better.
Your wife will not change until she has hit bottom. If you leave and take the kids with you, something may click in her. Or not. But either way, you will be happier, and more importantly your kids will be better off if you give them a good role model, I promise.
GOOD LUCK!
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