A
female
age
41-50,
*odnnd
writes:Okay.So this is my story. I have not made this up.I met the love of ny life, my soulmate, and we were together for 4 years. He was ill with depression (we thought) then he died suddenly with Crohns disease. I met someone else rapidly-without giving myself enough time to get over the situation and lived with him-cos u only live once-and looked after his little girl with him every weekend. We got struck by lightning a year ago and he got killed.And I am in the aftermath.Who do I love? Who do I look after? Ive invested so much of my life in these people I have nothing left. Im reverting back to self harm and alcohol and the internet cos I have no friends and cant talk to people cos Im so scared.Wher do I go from here?Please help me? Jo x x x
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female
reader, peacedreamer  +, writes (19 August 2007):
Your story broke my heart. I really don't have any advice, just wanted to let you know that escaping into alcohol is a devastating cycle. You will destroy your life and the lives of those who love you. If you really need to escape, read a book, go out for the day, or do something nice for yourself. You deserve it. You've had a really rough time, my dear, and it might be best to get some counselling so you have someone to air all this out to. You'll probably want to cry and rant and rave about how life is so unfair and be fine one day and freaked out the next. My heart goes out to you. Take each day with wisdom so you can come to the other side of this.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (18 August 2007):
 Hi Jo,
Whoa...I almost do not beleive this story. Tragic.
Firstly, the person you have to love first is you. I do not see it as you losing these men, as much as I see you as their gift of love for a life that was destined to end when it did. I know that is not comforting enough, but the fact you were able to make these men feel loved before their passing, and maded them loved men at the time of their passing makes you a rare treasure. Think of the all the ones who died alone. You are a hero...you found two men that you were able to cherish, and you did not let them die alone.
Next, who is taking care of his little girl now? Are you still in her life to share with her some of her father's love? To share a side of her father that she will never know?
I am curious as to why you do not have friends? This part puzzles me, as I do not see how it relates to your two relationships.
You have an obligation to INSPIRE others who have faced similar experiences to you, to survive and move on. Harming yourself is not answering your calling. I will suggest that you write down your experiences about surviving the death of a partner. Given your experience, you are an expert in this, and your ability to help others in grief may be your own salvation to dealing with your own grief.
When my father was in and out of the hospital over the course of 8 years until he passed away, part of what helped me through that time was to help encourage the other families of patients that had not gone through as much as we had, as well as, we got inspired by people there who could relate to us that had been through worse.
Turn your pain into your power by helping others through your experience. That is what I did with my autobiography, and it makes the pain of my own personal demons worth it to know that I helped so many others that have read it.
-Frank B Kermit
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