A
female
age
41-50,
*aima
writes:friends i am in a problem and would appreciate your exprienced answers, me and my husband were very happy few days back but now my in-laws are poking their nose between us even they are in india and we are staying in singapore; still they are calling my husband so many times and told him bot to tell me so my husband never receives calls in front of me only he talks later and after that I find some change in my husband's nature. he loves me but he never shares anything if his parents called him. i always am honest with him but he never is and if i ask, he says it's not a big issue so leave it. i tried so many times but until now nothing ameliorates, nowadays i am in india with my parents i am sick and he is coming here to fetch me but still he is buying gifts for them even he knows that i am very sick and had 26 week misscarrige but still he never tells to his parents 'at lest talk to my wife she is sick and she needs support'.............. i think he is total mommy's boys still. what should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, desirewhitefire  +, writes (13 March 2008):
 Oh yes, very familiar on this end, too. My husband is also Indian and his parents just BABY him. His mother's big nose is in the middle of our business all the time. When we first got married, she insisted that I change my middle name to his first name and that we had to name our children through the Holy Book. I am white and my husband didn't want to do things according to his parents. Now I'm the bad guy because surely, he acts the way he does towards them because of me. At least that's what they think. They put him on guilt trips for taking my side. I'm his wife!
Now I'm pregnant and his mother barges her way into every prenatal appointment I have. She sits in the room and watches my doctor's every move. My doctor is a man and I'm very happy with him as is my husband. But she just clucks her tongue and starts on me. "Men shouldn't be touching a woman that way unless it's her husband." She wants me to go to the same woman who delivered my husband and his brother 28 years ago! This woman is nuts. I told her to bug off.
His mother is nice to me, I will give her that much credit. His father didn't attend our wedding, and his brother calls me "that bitch". His sister-in-law is a real piece of work and can't stop flapping her mouth about how nasty I am and how I'm bringing the family down. His family accused me of stealing jewelry one time before we were married so my husband would stop seeing me!
Although they baby him, he doesn't let it get to his head. He still says no to them and he actually spends a lot more time around my family than his own. Your husband needs to learn how to control them; that's the only way this will stop. He needs to see what's more important and know that it's you. My husband sticks up for me all the time and has actually gotten into fist fights with his brother over the name calling.
If you had an arranged marriage, didn't his parents choose you? See, that doesn't make sense to me. Indian parents choose their children's spouses and they end up treating them like dirt.
Let it go, don't get a divorce or anything. His parents are not worth it. Some of my husband's extended family came around and really like me, and it's been 3 years. Give them so time, try cooking something nice for them and sending it over. :) I cooked Chicken Curry every Friday for 3 months and sent it to my in-laws house, and his mom eventually loosened up.
And I just thought of something- when my husband wouldn't tell me what he and his parent's talked about, I figured out it was about me and them telling him all the nasty things they thought of me! SO, maybe you're husband isn't trying to be secretive, he just doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
Feel free to email me through this site if you have any other questions. I will be more than happy share my experiences with nasty Indian in-laws.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): Hi. I know exactly what you went through. I was with my fiancee, we knew eachother for 6 years. I moved closer to be with him. His mom and sisters lived no more than 30 minutes away from us. It was hell!!! He is such a momma's boy (indian also) and he is in his 30's. She would always interfere bringing food over for her son (knowing i dont eat that kind of food), tell us to visit ONLY her on the weekends and visit just his side of the family. They didnt like when we went to visit my family (whom was far that I see couple times a year). His sister is another one, she would call and call him and they would hardly talk to me and only want us to go to there events and nobody elses. And when I would say no we have other plans, they would go to my fiancee and say 'doesnt she like the family?' And he would ALWAYS pick up for them no matter how wrong they were. I was fed up and still he didnt care! We are no longer together due to other reasons AND his family. Dont put up w/ there nonsense and stand up he's your husband and put your foot down.
Good luck.
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