A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met this man when my 22 year marriage hit the rock. He helps me to go through the divorce. We've been together for a year now. Im 45 and he is 18 years older than me. This new man is very stingy with money. He has got a house and a car and still working as a self employed builder. He said money is hard earned so he is not squandering it. And money is for security. He spends as little as possible on everything and on himself and on me. Life is boring with him as we go to same places buying same things. I know he is not going to change and I am trying to change him. I love him as he gives me the attentions which I have never had in my life. Please advise.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): I am not sure why this is all about his money. If you want to do something more expensive than he is comfortable paying for why don't you just make it your treat? I could be reading too much into this but it sounds like he is paying for everything and you don't think he is spending enough to be fun?One more thought, really do all the things you consider to be not boring cost a lot of money? I think maybe it's you who needs to examine your values.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 March 2008):
 All his life, he has been living like that and he can never change .
If you try to change him,you may find yourself alone.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): If u want to buy more things, etc then why dont you earn the extra money urself? maybe the only reason he has a car and house, etc because he saved up and didn't waste money before.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): You wont change him i speak from experience. If he is tight with money now, he will always be that way. so you have to ask yourself if you really want to go through life like this. If on the other hand he give you the attention that you love and havent had then that could overcome the tightness, but be brave and say what you want from this relationship and dont let him govern how it is. If you both earn money then you spend yours as you feel free and you cannot tell him how to spend his. Relationships are always complicated.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, bemused  +, writes (8 March 2008):
 This is a question to which I can personally relate. It was a deal breaker for me in a previous relationship. I made excellent money and have a steady career. I am responsible with money and invest and have mutual funds ect but I do enjoy the finer things in life and because I have a challenging career and pay my own way..it should not be questioned. My former partner was the same..same places..never money for a vacation...just save. It eventually split us up...our values on money were different and so the places and things we did were different. I also think there were other incompatabilities in my situation...you mention that this man is attentive in other ways. The clicker question here is whether or not you can compromise...could he and you try to meet in the middle on this. You say he is not going to change. It is a check and balance situation then for you. Do you have your own income, by the way. If you do you might start doing your own thing and he may not join you on principle and that is not good either. There might be someone out there who could be a better match.
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