A
female
age
30-35,
*iskababy
writes:Last night I was going through my husband's phone which he constantly updates and deletes stuff from. I happened to click on the "notes" and the only note I found was from a week ago. It said: "It was good seeing you today, I never knew how dazzling you are outside of work. My apologies for not acknowledging your brother I was mesmerized by you".I confronted him at once and he told me that it was from nobody. He got nervous, I could tell, and shortly after he told me that it was for me. Supposedly he copied it from tumbler as an inspiration to send me a nice text or an e-mail. I know its not true because thats exactly the wording he would use if he was trying to flirt with another girl. Plus I dont even have a brother, so why would he send me that? But he keeps denying it. Is he cheating?
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (28 November 2014):
 He may not be cheating .. yet. But he may be about to if the opportunity presents itself. It sounds like he has an infatuation with another woman who has just caught his eye.
There's no doubt that note clearly wasn't for you (as he's certainly seen you outside of work? And as you said - you don't have a brother). So what he wrote was inappropriate. I would go from there.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2014): There is some advice here advising you to give him enough rope to hang himself. What do you stand to gain from that? ! Proof that your husband can cheat? Then what?
I'd take him out for a nice meal and say 'right then, out with it. I'll be angry and disappointed if you lie to me so please tell me what the matter is or I'll assume you don't care enough about us to fix it anymore. Who were you texting and why? ' if he keeps providing stupid explanations, I'd pack his bags and encourage him to think about what he really wants in life.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (27 November 2014):
Well all i can say is he is not very good at telling lies.If he is not cheating at the moment ,he could be very well on the way.The question is what would you do if you found out he was cheating.Would you forgive him-or would that finish the marraige.However at this stage i would leave him in no uncertain terms that CHEATING- was not acceptable and i totally adgree HONEYPIE to drop into his work and see whats up .Best luck NORA B.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2014): There is ground for suspicion that he is initiating a flirtation with a female that is inviting it, accepting it and may want to "deepen" the affair. I don't think that he is outright cheating, at least not yet, unless you find more evidence. So start snooping.
Also, I don't know what your husband does, but the quote could have been intended for some business associate who is vain and enjoys flirtatious comments, but that is less likely although possible.
Least likely is what he told you which is a tumblr copy intended for you because there is mention of a brother and that doesn't fit you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2014): May be he is not doing it physically yet, but the thought is in a process. His behaviour is totally inappropriate for a married man. He is lying to you and yes, he is a horrible liar. First he says it's from no one, then he said its for you. That's just silly, you don't work together, and you don't have a brother, very silly. His message was very obvious. If I received a message like that I would think the person is totally head over hills with me.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 November 2014):
 Alright...yes, your suspicions have merit. Now is the time where you become not only a very good actress, but you need to make him underestimate you. I know you're emotional, and I would have advised you not to have confronted him yet on this, but here's the thing - if you push on what you have, he'll still deny and possibly lock his phone before you'll be able to get the real info from it like callback numbers.
Most people rush to the phone to try and pick it apart, but your real holy grail is the cell phone provider. For example, Verizon has a "current message log" that you can even download to a spreadsheet and still remains even after he thinks he's being clever and deleting them. They'll give you amount and the originating phone numbers these texts are coming from and where he's sending to.
If he's cheating, you'll see one particular number popping up A LOT. When you catch that, DON'T confront him even then! You must not let your emotions drive you to act too hasty. You want to set the table with his lies while making him comfortable and complacent enough to think that's he's pulled a fast one on you.
Once you pull up the numbers of the people he texts the most, do a reverse lookup on them to see if you can get some bites. If you're really feeling ambitious and have $20 to spare, get a burner phone in secret to call these numbers and finesse your way to get the owners to tell you who they are if their voice mail doesn't already give the game away.
Chances are, if you see him texting someone 50 times a day, and it's a woman's number (like a co-worker or whoever), he's not going to worm his way out of it.
If you find these identities, then do some digging for them in social media to see if they cross-reference your husband with them. Heh, I heard one married woman pretend to be the suspected other woman message her husband telling him she had trouble with her other Facebook accout, and that "she" was thinking about him. He sent back a sexy/flirtatious message back, and she got him red-handed.
Check the mileage on the speedometer if he says he has to work late or says he's going somewhere where you know how far it is away. You can quietly enable GPS on his phone as well and track him that way. You could even go to Radio Shack and pick up a voice-activated digital recorder and place it under his car seat. If he calls her, it turns on, and voila. Incrimination.
Too many women stop at the proverbial "lipstick behind the collar" and start accusing, only to let the guy make them feel stupid.
Your guy already is a bad liar - it wouldn't be too hard to set the trap and watch him squirm in it like a rat with a broken bat based on how stupid a liar he already is under pressure.
The whole "copy from Tumblr"? Really? He is such a neanderthal that he couldn't come up with the words "Dazzle" and "Mesmerize" on his own? The only time he would need help with such grade school flirting is if he were playing Scrabble.
Take a lesson from the Angler fish. Sit really still. Make him thinking business as usual. Throw the bait. Do your silent surveillance. Then spring the trap and tear his lying cheating ass apart.
But don't give away the game! He's smart enough to throw you off, and I bet he'd be smart enough to hide better if you telegraph your moves and show him what you're looking for. But he's too stupid to lie well AND he's deleting his messages, not realizing how useless and futile that is.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (27 November 2014):
 I agree with Honeypie in that I think it's a crush at this point.The message says he didn't realise how dazzling the woman was outside work which means he hadn't, until recently, seen her outside of work. It was more formal and complimentary than something he'd send to someone he'd already been seeing for some time. Then there's the bit about the brother. Obviously he wasn't alone with her.I don't think he's cheating but he does have a crush and he's made it obvious to the woman in question.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 November 2014):
 Is he cheating? Well, it's hard to say but he sure is a bad liar, if nothing else.
My guess would be he is crushing on a co-worker, but that doesn't mean he is cheating... yet.
He could have sent it or maybe haven't worked up the courage to send it to her.
But if you don;t have a brother it makes NO sense for him to send that as a "inspirational flirt" and I am not sure why you didn't just cut him short when he told that lie.
Would I keep bringing it up? No. But... if possible I might show up at work for lunch one day to take him out to eat, just to see what's up at work.
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