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anonymous
writes: I have some serious problem with my husband. We have been married for 4 years. I am 35 years old he is 52 years old. I have 3 children from a previous marriage and he has 2 children from a previous relationship. The problem is his children, the youngest who is 6 years old doesn't really create any, but the other one who is 12 years old is a trouble maker. He refuses our connection and he puts pressure on his dad. He used to come to our house and asks a lot of personal questions so he could gather information for his mum to use against me and my partner. Any silly thing she used to call and start threatening with everything and anything, so we had a big row. My husband moved out for about a month and then came back to say that he is sorry and that he loves me and he will limit his contact with his children to every Sunday instead of bringing them to our house every weekend. Obviously the child was not happy, so he started again and again manipulated his dad, calling him every day and asking him to see him more often which I did not agree with, as I know that we will go back to where we started. So 10 days ago he wanted to go and see him again during the week, which made me so angry and as my husband has always been threatening to move out if I don't agree with him seeing his son anytime he wants. He moved out again and now he is saying that his children come first and he doesn't want me to restrict his contact with them. Now as I am a mother myself I understand what he is saying, but believe me that boy is so cheeky and impolite he counts us as the enemy no matter how hard I try to please him and be nice to him. His mum is playing a big role here as she is using him and telling him what to do so he will break us up. Because every time that happened she called him again to say that she loves him and wants him back, although she is in a relationship and my husband didn't leave her to be with me cos when I met my husband he was separated from her for two years and my husband explained to me that she's alcoholic and she lives in a way that he doesn't agree with.What is really upsetting me that my husband goes behind my back and speaks badly about me to his people explaining that I am denying his contact with his children and so many things that make people feel sorry for him.As a parent I think he is wrong, the way he's raising his son and not teaching him any manners and ways of behaving decently, but he can't see that. I have tried to save my marriage but it seems it will never work...What do you think I should do? Shall I file for a divorce and forget about him? Shall I wait to see when he's gonna come back, regretting his action like he has always done?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, xox?xox +, writes (1 July 2005):
Firstly you must realise that the ten year old child is seeking attention, probably because he is a very insecure child who has underlying problems that need to be dealt with.I know he may get on your nerves, but what he wants here is love and he is finding not seeing his dad very hard. He is probaly starting to understand what is going on with his mother also and this has greatly upset him. He is trying to find things to say to his mum about you and your husband because he wants to prove to her that he deserves her praise and love.You must try with all your might to be nice to him, and subtly try to introduce politeness and manners to him, which he is not obviously getting from his birth parents at the moment.As for the way his father is acting, this isn't appropriate at all. If you want this relastionship to work, you need to tell him how you feel and if he doesnt listen to you, then you don't need someone who will treat you like this. You don't deserve to have to wait on him to realise his mistakes and come crawling back, this has happened too many times, and he needs to shape up or ship out! i hope ive helped!! xxx
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