A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi Hope you take the time and read my post.I have been married 22yrs together for 32yrs, just over 2yrs ago i found out my h/b had been cheating on me at frist i thought it was the only time so i forgave him after several months i found out there had been others one was a friend the others co/workers 1 lasting over 7yrs he said it was just sex and the thrill of it, when i asked quistions about his affairs he became angry and started hitting me, i left twice and went into a refuge but returned to him he said he would change and not hit me anymore and that he s sorry for all the pain he caused me.things were going ok as long as i dont question the past,but back in 1991 we both worked at the same place and this girl who did nt know that i was married to him said that her friend had a baby by him i asked her name and confronted my h/b who said that this girl was married to his friend so i thought no more of it till now.I found out this womens 2nd name and said to my husband that i was going to meet her she never married his friend( i hav nt meet her yet),he then told me that he had been to her flat a few times bk in 1985? just to talk nothing else went on Now i feel like im back to sq 1 not beliving or or feel able to trust anything he ever said to me.we back arguing and him flying into a rage he has not punched me but has threatened things if i try to leavei have nowhere to go and to embaressed to go bk to domestic abuse as i retuned home to him 2 times please help me i dont know what to do i have no friends as i dont go out without him no 1 visits im on my own all day n at nite when he comes home from work he falls asleep cos he tired.I never get dressed i panic when i did try to go out i know u will think its all my own fault but i love him and feel that without him i wont cope i have tried.Yes its true that u feel that one is not worthy and i have no self esteem how do i move on .ty for reading hope u take the time to reply .
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affair, move on, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): don't feel worried about going to a shelter, you are not the first woman to go back into a bad relationship and you won't be the last.
You do need to get out of the situation thought and start to focus on yourself. What he has done to you is inexcusable and you deserve better, you should tell yourself that every day.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (18 September 2010):
 Eleanor Roosevelt had once said something that means so much..."No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Why says you dont have any self esteem?Why do you make yourself believe that??? You have more self esteem and pride than most other women, because you reached out for help from all of us. That means you have had ENOUGH and you should now fight back. Infact, you've had enough since the 1st affair when you decided to forgive him.
Pardon me for asking this, but why do you still "love" this man? Because you feel that he's the only person in your life, or because you cant think of a life without him?THis man has given you nothing much pain and humiliation...so much so now you feel embarrassed!! No...why the HELL should you feel embarrassed because some scum bag doesnt give a DAMN about you??? STOP feeling embarassed. Its NOT your fault.
Its been so long that you've been a shadow of this man, you've forgotten your own identity. Get out of the house. Start by at least going to the supermarket alone and buying something.Anything. Wear a pretty dress, put on some make-up and go to the mall. You dont need to buy anything, just walk around, see what people are doing, sit at a subway and order some food...TRUST ME, no one is going to be gazing at you thinking of all the dreadful things that have happened to you. Develop a bit of confidence...you dont need to go out ONLY with your husband. Why do you even think this way?? You can do anything you WANT to do.
Most importantly, reach out for help. From your family, siblings, anyone. There is no shame in this.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2010): Hello, first I would like to say my simpity is with you. I am going through almost the same thing without the abuse. I cry so much. All I can say is that dig deep to try to pull yourself up. You have to love yourself first. Also no its not your fault.
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A
female
reader, Bubblegum-Pink +, writes (18 September 2010):
 You poor thing! What a trauma to have gone through. You do not deserve this. Are you particularly close to any family member - a sister, parent, cousin or even a very dear friend? You need to be straight with them and tell them everything that's happened. There is no need to be embarrassed - your husband has treated you badly and he's NOT your problem any more. Sharing the load will be the first step to getting your self-esteem and your life back. Your friends and family will want to love and support you and they'll be right at your back if he tries anything. Please please please don't try tackling this alone any longer - you've made one hell of an effort with him and had it all thrown back in your face. Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2010): this guy is emotionally abusing u as well as physicallly. u need to get out of there and fast and not go back to him at all and sever all ties
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