A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:when i met my husband 2 years ago, he had his best friend whom they have schooled with from high school to college. the friend is married to a a beautiful charming lady who is now my friend. the crazy thing is that this guy(my husband's friend) fell in love with me from day one yet he is married. he keeps on following and calls me everyday since the first day. he even buys me presents in the name of being a family friend but he later tells me that it was specially meant for me because am so special to him. this is what confuses or hurts most; he told me that he doesnt mind me being married to my husband(his friend)and he wishes us a happy marriage but at the same time i should know that he loves me so much and will be there for me always. he also requested me to keep this secret because he is just my secret admirer and he wont like to hurt anyone(neither my husband nor his wife). on my side, i didnt mind the friendship and we share a lot about ourselves but what worries me is what if he one day he asks for sex? because there is a time when he told me that i can make a good lover, of which i know am good in bed and i always know what i want. please advise, the last thing i ever want to do is to break this friendship that has been built for such a long time. am also woman and a wife and i wont like to do such a thing to a fellow woman.to add on that, i will never want to hurt my husband because i love him so much.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): I would have told my husband long ago about this guy.He is doing it because he knows you won't tell your husband.In my eyes my husband doesn't deserve to have a friend who hits on a friend's wife.Hope this helps.Break your silence today.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): one day when you betray your husband and your values & you destroy your life, you need to know that YOU were the culprit. you did not do anything to stop this pervert and this stalker from invading your marriage. are you sure you are not secretly enjoying this other mans attention. remember you are messing with peoples lives and if you allow him to continue you are destoying your home. that just the heads up for what is coming your way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2010): by not outing him for his behaviour means that you are tolerating it, perhaps even condoning it. its time to get your man to deal with him
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmany thanks to Anonymous and Aussiemum,i have tried the keeping off thing but he still get to see me coz both families meet at least twice a month and i cant just tell my husband that i aint joining them. he doesnt ogle at me in the public but he would call me the following day and tell me how lovely i was.second, his wife is a very insecure woman and she sometimes tell me that if she ever finds the hubby with another woman, she will definitely walkout without giving him any chances. thats the reason why i better keep this secret coz i dont want such a lovely family to tear apart just becoz the man feels some love for me.i have ever threatened him by daring to let my hubby know but he said that he isnt scared coz he means no harm; that he is just appreciating me.its a hard situation but i will reinforce my boundary but i cant tell the wife(my friend) coz hell will break loose-she is so emotional and this will kill her. so, for her sake, i will keep my mouth shut except on this site where i can share.thanks once again to all.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee  +, writes (19 May 2010):
 It's my pleasure. I hope this helps. If he doesn't take you seriously, then we can easily fire a stronger shot across the bow, if warranted. Let us know how you make out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks a lot BunnyTee,
i need the courage to face this because the guilt is killing me. yes he is a nice guy but am not certain where this is headed to. its all scary and i dont think i can face it when it finally burst.
Any more advise? please keep them coming in, i will appreciate.
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A
female
reader, Aussiemum  +, writes (19 May 2010):
Hmm...with all respect... this guy is a weasel. He is happy to go about stringing you along and using your emotions to benefit him. He wants to keep things secret because a) he doesnt want to lose his mate and b)be a divorcee if the wife ever finds out. He wants to have the best of both worlds. A bit of fun on the side and if you go along with keeping it secret, all of that without any consequences. How convienient! Put an end to this. Shoot him down and tell him his advances arent wanted or needed, and if he doesnt stop threaten that you will tell your husband about the way he has been acting. Let your husband see him and keep your distance till he gets the message and proves that he is willing to cut the cr*p. You dont deserve being sucked into his nonsense fantasy world. I am sure you are really lovely, but you already have someone in your life that you love...focus on him. Go book a holiday and get away with hubby I reckon. Goodluck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010): My own fiance cured me of this problem. I too am or have been very attracted to my friends wife. It was not just a physical attraction. I also was enamored by her "essence maybe" shes an awesome person. but i kept this a secret to myself until one day in a drunken stupor had let the cat out of the bag to her that i found her attractive in that way and it was a bit more than just being turned on by her body.This is what she did for me. She agreed that this woman was everything thing that i said. it was true but she knew that i loved her and valued our friendships. we agreed that it would be disastrous to even utter such a thing to her or her husband. and thats it. the obsession went away. Im not sure why because shes still beautiful and shes still herself. but my fiances understanding, somehow fixed the problem. I dont lust for her any more. perhaps it would be the same with him if he also has a loving wife that would talk this through with him... or he could find him self on the other side of everyone's door. I guess i got lucky here.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (19 May 2010):
First, let me applaud your sensible approach to this as well as being mindful of others in this sitch. I think there's an easy way to deal with the matter before it snow balls into an ugly problem for everyone. I recommend you thank the man for his attention and gifts and then politely inform him that since you have no intentions of destroying your own marriage or his you must request that he refrain from saying or doing anything to you that he wouldn't want his wife or your husband knowing about. Tell him the matter is not debatable and that you expect him to fully comply and this line must never be crossed. Be polite but firm.
If he disregards your boundaries, then rip the lid off and bust him out for the dog he is.
You must establish solid boundaries and enforce them or you'll most likely be facing some serious problems later.
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