A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, this is a strange situation so bear with me. My husband is currently deployed in Iraq. His best friend was deployed with him too, until the guy had a seizure and the doctors decided that he wasn't fit to be overseas. They flew him out rapidly so he could come back to the US for medical observation. Now, when he arrived I was the only person he knew, because all of his friends, including my hubby who had just left for Iraq. My husband asked me to help him out for a while since all his things were still overseas and I was happy to do it, since they are really close. I have been hanging out with my husband's best friend on a daily basis, we usually go to the gym to work out and then he comes over to watch tv. He has never tried to make a move on me and is always going out of his way to help me since he knows my husband is gone. He helped me move, he fixed my car, he maintains my husband's vehicles, he is just all around a good friend. The problem is, people are starting to talk and they are saying that he shouldn't be hanging around me every single day of the week if he wasn't interested in me. I don't invite him over everyday, I usually invite him once in a while. But he usually calls to ask what I am doing and if he can come over and watch tv or he just shows up at the door. We also go out once in a while and he is really good about keeping the sleazebags away from me, like my husband told him to.I don't really have a problem with this and I love my husband very much so I don't think he should have anything to worry about. Although, he is beginning to get a little upset by it and thinks that his best friend may have some ulterior motives. Everyone else is saying the same thing. I realize it looks really bad, but our friend always tells me that he wants to meet girls and I am always trying to set him up with people i know. He talks about girls all the time, and even told me that I am like a sister to him, so i doubt he is interested in me that way.I am not sure what to do as my husbands best friend is a really good guy and has helped me out a lot by doing the things that my husband would normally do if he was around. I work full time and appreciate any help I can get. I can't stress my husband out while he is in Iraq and I can't have him distracted by trivial things like this. However, I don't really want to hurt our friend's feelings by telling him he cant come over especially after everything he's done for me. I really do feel sorry for him because he's only been back for a month and hasn't made any new friends yet.Advice anyone?Thanks!
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (15 February 2008):
 Hi there,
I had a similiar situation when I moved over to Australia. My best friend was away overseas and his partner was by herself. We started hanging out together and became great mates. It never entered into either our heads that we would be physical as he was my best mate and I would never betray his friendship to make a move on his girl. But people do talk and usually it's because the people who talk would cheat if they were in the same situation.
Just ignore them, if someone says something to you tell them: "Just because you would cheat on your partner doesnt mean I will" - the only way to deal with gossip mongers is to be firm if not harsh with them.
With regards to your husband, it is probably natural he is getting concerned, he is by himself half a world away and no doubt people are putting thoughts into his head there as well. What I would say to your husband is that its great he has such a good friend helping out while he is away, and that its nice to know that you can have a guy friend without being hit on. Emphasise to your husband the girls your friend is interested in, exaggerate a little if you like just to make your husband feel better.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (14 February 2008):
 I would come out fighting with the people who are talking; tell them that nothing is going on and that you are just friends and that if any of this causes your husband stress then it is their responsibility not yours. I wouldn't tell your friend to back rather, rather be proactive and try and start doing things where you will be there but he can gradually associate with new people.
Maybe you could introduce him to some of your friends and that way the idea is that rather than risk hurting his feelings; which he doesnt really deserve because there is nothing inherently wrong with doing what he is doing, you gently ease him away and make him less dependant on you. At the moment he just seems to need that gentle push to get out their and meet new people and thats what you can do for him, gradually the friendship will become looser and people will find something else to amuse themselves. Good luck. :)
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A
female
reader, Honor +, writes (14 February 2008):
I think the previous poster is right! You should be honest with him and tell him how it upsets you but you dont want word getting back to your husband that could potentially cause problems whilst he it out there. Also you should speak to your husband and tell him how much his friend has helped you BOTH (ie you and your husband) and now people are gossiping saying cruel stuff and because you dont want the stress of all this causing any problems you are not going to hang out with him that much anymore because you love your husband and dont want these silly idle gossip people to cause problems when he gets back. So that way at least you have told your hubby the full situation...instead of him coming back then suddenly hearing gossip from the neighbours out of the blue!
Good luck! x
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 February 2008):
 I'd just tel him that you've found out that people are talking and you would feel awful it it got back to your husband in a distorted way so maybe he shouldn't come over as much. That way the onus is on the gossipy people and not on you. If he doesn't have any ulterior notions then he should respect that and back off a tad bit. You need to think of your husband's feeling over the friend's.
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