A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My husband's two adult sons treat him horrible. They're spoiled and abusive. For years I've made excuses for them because their mother committed suicide the year before I met him. I feel like I've helped them work through some of their grief but they always blame their Dad for everything that goes wrong in their lives. And they expect him to pay for everything when they are now college graduates that should be taking care of their own lives by now. It breaks my heart when they talk badly about their Dad and I try to counterbalance some of the negativity because I know some things about their Mom that I haven't been able to share. Years and years before I knew her because she was having an affair with a physician I worked for. I didn't know her husband or anything about her home life. I guess she thought the doctor would leave his wife for her, so she filed for divorce and tore up her family, only to discover the physician would end the affair and go back to his wife. She lived the next years looking for revenge and being very bitter. She later remarried some guy that came along and buried herself in a competing medical facility hoping to put the physician out of business. Of course that didn't work. She began taking prescription narcotics and got very addictive. She battled depression and was somewhat psychotic. She eventually killed herself. A year later, I met my husband and his boys and realized he had been married to the nutcase I'd known about years before. It's been 7 years since her death and the boys still treat their Dad like crap. No matter what he does for them, it's never enough and I am fed up with their attitudes. Yet they act like their Mother was such a saint and worked so hard for them. They equate material goods with love because their mother bought them whatever they wanted to avoid their constant battles. I've learned that after their divorce she kept tight control on how much my husband could spend with his boys. But when he did get the chance to be with them, he took them camping, fishing, back-packing. I've seen plenty of photos over their lifetime to know he was not an absent father. Yet they are still ungrateful and make unreasonable demands for money we cannot afford. Sometimes I feel like telling them the truth, but the younger one already acts kind of psychotic like his Mom, I'd hate to push him over the edge. I just don't know how much more I can take! It makes me sick.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (29 May 2012):
 This really is your Hubby's problem... and there's only so much you can do to "support" him in it....
His kids are his kids, and if he lets them tread on him, then that, too, is his problem (only... NOT your's!!!)...
You can be a good and supporting wife and encourage him to get the life-counselling that he needs.... and, hopefully, that will get him on the road to reversing this goofy life that you've described.....
IF he refuses to adjust his life to make it more normal and tolerable... then you can easily justify dumping his sorry bottom and getting on with YOUR life, either by yourself or with some more well-adjusted partner....
good luck...
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