A
female
age
41-50,
*staley
writes:My husband and I have been married for seven years. He isn't much of a talker. For example, at dinner, I'll ask him a question and his answer is very short and concise. When he comes home from work, he very rarely tells me what happens during the day. Also, when we're talking, he rarely acknowledges when I say something, so most of the time I feel like I'm not being heard. When I tell him about my day and talk, he laughs at me and tells me that I talk too much. He gets frustrated when I make small talk and talk about little things. So, I've given up trying to talk and just stay silent.I dream of a time when we can have an in-depth conversation about something, such as religion, world events, parenting, anything. I've asked him several times to do this and we have to plan a time to do it. When that time comes up, he doesn't want to do it.I feel like I don't know who my husband is. I also feel like I'm boring and annoying and that I say stupid things. It's not that I have a need to talk because I have plenty of adult conversation during the day. I just want to communicate with him. Has anyone felt this way? Any suggestions? Any good books to read about this topic? I'm tired of wanting to cry or scream after every conversation I have with him. Thanks so much! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, hotmommanell +, writes (18 February 2010):
LOL. I have the opposite problem. I am the "husband" My fiance is an extrovert and likes to talk - a lot. I am an introvert and I'm not very talkative most of the time. I would rather come home, relax by reading on the computer (which he complains about) or watching TV. I need to decompress. I deal with people all day and I just want some peace and quiet. On the other hand when he and I go out alone together he seems bored and I have to get him to prompt him to talk. It seems like he’s all revved up from being with people all day and it spills over to wanting to chat me up at night (when I am NOT in the mood). When I am and it’s just us he’s not into it unless his friends are around. What’s up with that?
Anyway, maybe your husbands are just introverted and burned out from work and need some alone time. Try to bond with him in ways that don’t have to do with talking all the time. For me as an introvert I typically don’t like parties – unless there’s an activity like a game or dancing. If the focus is on conversing all I have to look forward to is endless questions about what I do for a living over and over again. B-O-R-I-N-G.
So what does he like to do? Golf, basketball, Ski? Do stuff with him and maybe the conversation you crave will come during those times.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): I am in the same situration. It is hard! Ive two very young children and had to to give up work about 4 years ago. So Ive been a full time mum for over 4 years now and it has been driving me mad. Being at home on myown and no family and close firends. So my husband is the only adult company that I have in the whole world BUT he don't talk and listen. He makes me feel so worthless. I am thinking that I need to do something to keep my mind occupied. May be something a bit creative so that I can express my loneliness in someways e.g. creative writing or art....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009): I experience the exact same thing! Sometime I find myself blaming the situation on myself...which is absolutely absurd! I grew up with a father of very few words...so i get it, but sometimes it would be nice for my husband to acknowledge the fact that ive had a bad day and embrace me or that ive a great day and share the joy with me. I dont get how they can be okay not communicating! You can ask anyone and i mean anyone (esp. the ppl who have been married longer than some ppl live)what the secret to a successful marriage is and i can put money on them saying "communication"! It is the Key!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): Hello, I'm experiencing the same thing my husband communicates with everybody else except me and that burns me up, I look back to all that I've done for him before marriage I'm coming up on my 4th year, and so far it's been nothing but lies right after each other. I'm really fed up with his shit, I'm currently going to counseling and focusing on God's word, I've gotten workbooks to help me grow closer to God and I'm considering a separation then a divorce afterwards, I don't like the idea of feeling miserable,bitter or resentful. I also don't like that fact to worry about him everytime he leaves out the door due his sneaky ways, i've caught my husband with a cell phone and he lied to me about going to work oneday, so basically I don't have any trust it's broken. I've totally placed it all in God's hand, so take everything into prayer and allow God to move you, I feel a lot better since I've been going to therapy for myself, so try therapy for yourself.
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A
female
reader, Triskaedeka102  +, writes (11 April 2009):
 This is interesting...Was your husband like this when you two were dating? How long were you dating before you got married to each other?
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