A
female
age
51-59,
*andybeaches
writes:My husband wears his thermal underwear for 3 or more days in a row and after wearing them all day, will also wear them to bed. He will also wear his stinky socks and take them off and leave them by the bed and put them back on in the morning. I have been sleeping on the couch and fear that this will cause an end to our marriage. Does anyone else have these issues?
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female
reader, Sandybeaches +, writes (6 February 2015):
Sandybeaches is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for those who are giving some good suggestions. But for those that think I am leaving anything out, I have not. I have explained everything that is going on. And no, I am not afraid of my husband or intimidated by him. I think he is just being stubborn. I have told him that it bothers me. i have been only sleeping on the couch when he doesn't change his thermals or wash his feet. After he showers and changes his thermals is when I sleep in the bed. After weeks of doing this, I told him I can not continue to sleep on the couch and I told him what I would like him to do (not the first time). I told him to at least come home and change his thermals every day and take his dirty socks off, wash his feet and put a clean pair on before going to bed. He has finally said that he will shower every night. I just pray he keeps doing this or does what I suggested. I do have a foot bath and may try that too and try and find something that will treat fungus and put it in the foot bath. Thank you again, for your suggestions.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (5 February 2015):
 Well if the feet stink and the body does not, there is a fungus among us. Get some spray for that and force him to change socks twice a day. Serious health issue.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2015): I did read your post carefully. How can someone wear long underwear under their clothes for three days without a shower, and have no body-odor? If your feet stink, so does the rest of your unwashed body!!!
Unusually smelly feet may be a sign of a fungal infection. He may need to soak his feet in an over-the-counter foot-soak; or he may have to see the doctor for a prescription anti-fungal ointment. He has to make sure there isn't an active yeast and fungal infection causing the strong odor. He also has to throw away old boots, and change his shoes. You may have to do some of this for him,
if he's a stubborn old coot who gets nasty when you stand up to him.
I think you're intimidated by your husband. Your post just doesn't make any sense.
Sweat accumulating in old shoes over time get full of bacteria. His feet sweating in the same old boots or shoes day after day, is going to transfer odor back and forth. Throw the old shoes out along with the old socks.
Purchase a multi-pack of white cotton gym socks, some have an anti-odor and anti-fungal agent already in them. Then buy him some "odor-eaters" shoe inserts and foot-odor spray for his feet and shoes. You can spray his feet while he sleeps.
I can tell when a lot is being left-out by an OP. This is one of them. You're afraid of your husband, and you probably haven't said a single-solitary word to him. You just sleep on the couch and you're afraid to confront him. If you take the suggestions above, you'll resolve most of the recurrent foot-odor.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 February 2015):
 If your issue is not with his thermals but just with his feet... then every night when he takes his socks off... just pick them up replace them with a fresh pair and put the stinky pair in the wash.
This does not solve the long term problem but it resolves the issue of him putting dirty socks back on.
IF it's JUST his feet... when he gets home at night put out a soothing water foot massage (electric) like this one: http://www.amazon.com/Foot-Baths-heated-foot-bath/dp/B000CMDS32
then his feet will be washed nightly under the guise of you caring for him.
NO it does NOT resolve the underlying issue but it may help you cope with it.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (4 February 2015):
 He complains you are trying to change him, but you're not. You're just trying to change how many days he wears clothes for and how often he washes his smelly feet. You're not trying to change his personality as such.
He needs to be more considerate to your feelings. Getting him to understand this and want to do something about it is where the battle lies.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (4 February 2015):
Very very good point from WiseOwl.
I do agree with you, OP, that he should listen and take your feelings into consideration. But some things are dealbreakers and some are not. The reason I said I'd toss my husband's socks in the laundry, lay out new ones and kiss him goodnight is because he contributes so much to our marriage and I love him in so many ways that this would be a small thing for me.
Does he show affection? Is he an intelligent, gentle man with a good sense of humor who provides for his family? Are you friends as well as spouses? These things matter.
Has he been tested for depression? What is he like as a person aside from his sock habits?
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A
female
reader, Sandybeaches +, writes (4 February 2015):
Sandybeaches is verified as being by the original poster of the questionApparently some people did not read what I wrote. I said I do the laundry. I wash his about every three days when he decides to take a shower. The thing is his thermal underwear does not smell, but his socks do after a day. He doesn't have a body odor from wearing his clothes for that many days, but I am sure it has to be dirty since it is next to his skin everyday. This is the thing that turns me off. We have been married 7 years. If he does change is socks after a day, he just goes to bed or puts clean on without washing his stinky feet. I have been dealing with it this long, and telling him, so I guess I should just live with it. I feel he thinks I am trying to change him and I should just leave it alone. And apparently he doesn't care that we sleep in separate rooms.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2015): How long have you been married to this man? Ever considered waiting until bed-time to start a load of laundry, and tossing his things into the wash? If they aren't by the bed, he can't wear them.
Run him a bath, and suggest he dunk himself before bed.
Sometimes you have to initiate an action, to get your desired response.
Firmly tell him he needs to improve on his personal hygiene; because wearing his unclean long underwear for days combined with infrequent baths produces offensive-odor. He not only offends you, he offends the people he works with; and everyone else around him. If you need to, read this to him.
No one has addressed this possibility. Be sure this isn't early Alzheimer's or senility setting-in. That often starts with declining hygiene and poor self-maintenance. Sufferers don't realize their offensive odor, and don't respond to complaints about it. A little light has gone-out in part of their brains, and they need a little extra help. They'll even stubbornly resist help out of pride and shame. Just a thought.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 February 2015):
 How many sets of Thermal does he have? If more then one I'd suggest to him when he gets home and has eaten dinner to go shower and put on fresh. IF he only has one or two sets, BUY him 2 more sets. (or suggest HE goes buy some more)
Right now, many places in the US it's pretty frigid, but personally I only wear thermals when I go out to shovel the driveway. The house is not below 70F.
Hubby, on the other hand, wears thermals under his clothes, but the FIRST thing he does when coming home from work is to go shower and PUT ON clean clothes.
Then he WASHES his OWN dirty work clothes (I'm sorry for those who suggest you PICK up his dirty clothes... I wold say, ASK him NICELY to do it himself, he is a GROWN ASS man)
I understand why you don't want to sleep in the bed with a man who's been wearing the same nasty thermals and socks for days. But I DO think putting on clean linen and freshen up the bedroom, will make it SO much easier to say; "hey honey go shower before you come to bed."
There has to be more going on this the dirty socks...
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (3 February 2015):
Certainly there is something else. She hasn't been able to get him out of his thermal underwear. That means sex is pretty infrequent. Sleeping together is not enough of an incentive to get him into a shower. That means there is no desire for intimacy. So either low drive or disconnection.
So where is the advice? WhenCowsAttack has offered good advice. I'll add to it. Most men like an assertive woman. Be proactive, not reactive. Don't run from the unpleasant room. Get to the bed first. Wash the sheets and bedding, clean the room. Get in there before he does. When he gets ready for bed tell him that he can't get in your clean bed with his dirty underwear. Send him to the shower. Put his underwear and socks into the laundry and give him clean. Cuddle up and make sure he knows you appreciate his effort. It will take three weeks to change his habit. Give him a reason to make a change.
If you are unwilling to cuddle up with him after a shower, you might consider separate residences.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2015): My friend used to complain about her boyfriend being unhygienic just like that. Going days without bathing and without changing. She wouldn't complain about him re using dirty clothes he'd taken off because she would regularly do their laundry. She would complain about it but I don't think it was a deal breaker for her.
Why don't you do his laundry for him? And you should also bring it to his attention that this is grossing you out. You could also buy him new socks.
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A
female
reader, Sandybeaches +, writes (3 February 2015):
Sandybeaches is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk. Yes he knows why I sleep on the couch. I have spoken to him several times about wearing his socks and thermal underwear for 3 or more days in a row. Yes, I do keep up on laundry. There is hardly a day that goes by where I do not do at least one load of laundry. He showers about every three days so that is when he puts on clean. He does not wear boxers or briefs but just wears these thermal underwear in the winter. I feel like he doesn't care how I feel.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 February 2015):
Does he know why you are on the couch?
have you talked to him about his hygiene?
Has his hygiene always been sub-par?
do you do the laundry?
is he bathing every 3 days?
need more answers before I can comment
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 February 2015):
 I agree there just HAS to be more to this story than just stinky socks. Come on OP, what's really going on?
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (3 February 2015):
You don't mention whether you have spoken to him about the socks. Have you? How many times? If not, why not? And just how bad are they? How do you communicate? If it were me I'd say "honey, EW!", grab them, toss them in the laundry, set a fresh pair by the bed for him, and kiss him goodnight.
Last but not least, if you fear your marriage ending over this, are you sure this is all about socks? Because call me crazy but it seems to me like your marriage must have more pressing issues if socks are the final straw.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (3 February 2015):
What have you done to try to resolve the issue? It's very hard to offer advice without knowing.
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