A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We have sex about once every 10 days. My husband also watches porn as he says every 10 days. When I say: "Let's watch together." He says: "It's not a turn on". So he watches porn alone. He is unable to ejaculate with me, only with porn. Please explain to me what is going on here. When I told him to delete porn he got very defensive and angry with me. He is good in bed but his heart is not into it. It seems like we have sex for me to satisfy my physical needs, emotionally I am still left frustrated since he cannot cum. Is there anything I could do, he can do? Any advice especially from men will be appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. It does help to hear the words of reason.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): As a man who sometimes has difficulty cumming I understand, it is not as some of these commenters say, a reflection on what he thinks of you (it really isn't), usually its the pressure (yeah I know it's a lame excuse but it doesn't make it any less true).
The reason why porn works for him is that there is no pressure, it's all one way which I know is very selfish but sometimes it's just easier, men aren't good at emotions in general, and we get disheartened easily. The reason that he doesn't want to watch porn with thee is probably the same reason, he is probably completely turned on by you but watching porn is an added pressure, he wants you but feels insecure and hence the pressure gets to him. It is very difficult to describe, it's like a mental roadblock that automatically comes up, although the fact he won't talk about it with you is quite the most worrying thing.
For other practical advice I would advise against sexy lingerie etc. (at least right now) as its just more pressure, he has to trust you in the bedroom, just pamper him a bit (massage, cuddles etc.) and assure him its ok and if he doesn't want to cum he doesn't have to, this will relax him a bit and probably have the completely opposite effect, please don't give him a hard time he is probably just as infuriated as you, but do talk to him about it, just that alone may ease some of his fears. Hope to be of some help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): This happens to men when they are addicted to porn. They can only cum when watching porn it's a sickness i'm not sure what they call it porn addicted I guess, but he needs some therapy. It's not your fault that he can't handel a real women and has to watch fake bodyparts to cum. I mean realy he is pathetic he has a real women right their in the flesh and he can't perform. You even suggested watching it together so he could cum! your a good wife. I can tell you that would not happen in my house! I don't want you to feel bad about yourself it is a problem that he has you did not cause this! I suggest you go together to a couples therapy session for people who are addicted to porn look it up i'm sure they have such things if not just a regular therapist should be able to help. good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): I think something has happened between you two in the past. He may feel some form of rejection from you, and even though your attentive now, he has shut down. If this is the case, when the damage is done, it is hard to reverse it. If the communication is one sided, then I suggest marriage counseling.
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