A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband told me he had to go to an important work party, and I believed him. He put on one of his nicest business suits.I got a phone call that same night from a friend of mine who was at a fancy dress party, who said she'd seen my husband (dressed as usual in his business suit) with a guy in dominator gear (leather, collar etc.) . She said she'd overheard him in the kitchen saying "thanks for five years of great fun". All this was happening whilst guests were socialising in another room of her friend's house where it took place.The day after, I confronted my husband, and he looked embarrassed, and claimed he was at the works party. I told him that he'd not been there, that my friend saw and heard it all.He just stonewalled, kept refusing to talk about it.Our sex life was always good, I don't get why he'd go and see a male dominator. His refusal to discuss this worries me.We've only been married for 4 months now, but this is worrying me. Divorce is not an option for me - I want to work at my marriage, and for some people it's the "easy" route out.I've got to resolve this somehow, but don't know how, please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): One thing is to find out what it is that really turns him on and assure him that you won't make him feel bad about it.
If you want to make the marriage work then you need to find out what really turns him on. It may seem odious to you, but some men want to be humiliated by others without sexual relations.
A
female
reader, sum4gvn  +, writes (14 August 2009):
 Could you at least opt for a trial separation? Time enough for him to admit his fetish to you and allow him to decide if it's something he's willing to give up or if it's something you're willing to live with. Believe me, it's a lot less painful and embarrassing to divorce now than after a few years and with kids.
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A
female
reader, sanrio.kawaii +, writes (14 August 2009):
to anonymous reader not many dominators actually have sex with their client so theres no need to be so dramatic.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): you may not want to get a divorce but what if your husband is a closet gay. how can you stay in a marriage, pretending all is well.kids, do you have them? what about them? you may want to salvage this marriage but can you handle him with another man? how sure are you that sexually you have contacted HIV or STI's? Please have a check up. Maybe you have been a cover up for your hb while he engages in sexual activity with men. very dangerous games you hb has ben playing - actually he has been playing with your health and life. please think very carefully about this. you are young and can start over again. don't let him use you for the next decade (or more) then throw you away to be with the man of his choice. you are lucky you found out about your husband's sexual preference early in the marriage. i know you are facing a tough situation but please do what is healthy for you.
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