A
female
age
36-40,
*ingster111721
writes:My husband wants to go down on a man. He has never done this before, but admits he has fantasized about it and just wants to try it to see what the hype is about. He doesn't want to try anal with a man or anything like that. Also, he wants to watch the guy he goes down on have sex with me...I find this a little wierd...but I cannot judge him. I've always known he wanted to "swing" with other couples, but I've told him that it MIGHT happen in time. Is it possible that he is gay? I also need to mention that when he was 8 he was at a friends house and his friend started going down on him. Then, the friends little sister walked in and said that you only do that with girls. My husband did not understand at the time, but I think that could possibly be why he is wanting to do these wierd things...someone give me advice please! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, May27 +, writes (30 June 2010):
 There are two main things that stand out to me and the first is that he is being honest. It should be a relief to have him come talk to you about this rather then have him run off and do it behind your back. That also makes me think you can believe him when he tells you other things. The other is that the friend's little sister was probably doing it to the friend and that is why she was "astute" enough to say that only girls do it to guys. She was younger than 8... she had no way of knowing what was going on unless she was exposed to it.
With that being said, I do believe that what happened when he was younger is very likely a reason he feels what he feels today. I don't think it means he's gay, he was just aroused by something at a young age and naturally it's stuck with him. If you decide to go through with it, make sure you can live with the consequences beforehand.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): He simply has a fantasy, and it's turning him on... some women (like my ex - not why we're no longer together) got seriously aroused about being with a woman... nothing wrong with someone having something that makes them all hot and bothered... what's wrong is when they sneak off and act on it w/o their partners consent.
If you're game and you two can develop some ground rules, go play somewhere safe... an annual trip to some place swinger freindly can be a great charge. If you're ok with it, and want to be there that's your rule... talk it out, don't judge him... be grateful that he can share this with you... there are thousands of women who's men are sucking cock without them knowing... that's sick...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): He's bi-sexual....trust me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): Don't let anything happen that you're not 100%+ sure you can live with. Period, end of story. Fantasies are one thing; reality can bite big time. If you indulge his fantasy and find afterward that you cannot live with what you saw and experienced, your marriage is over for all practical purposes.
Fantasies don't have to be indulged. The imagination can be intensely powerful -- you can play different scenarios, tweak things a bit, and in doing so can enjoy it time after time. In a fantasy you're not worried about STDs. You're not worried about the other guy satisfying your wife more than you do, so she leaves you for him. You're not worried about going down on her as he withdraws and being utterly disgusted. But all those things happen in RW swinging.
Swinging does work for some couples. It doesn't work for more. Be very careful.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (30 June 2010):
 His vision about sex pleasure seems to be confused. Such things, 'same sex love', indicate lack of true vision about sex and about sex pleasure.
There is no easy way to correct his vision over a countable days or months. What that little sister seems to realized is not surprised, but her realization is cause by 'common sense' In maturity, human mind feel many bad influence from porn culture.
However, you can work with patient to correct his vision about sex and about love for sex.
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A
female
reader, amandanash  +, writes (30 June 2010):
I don't tihnk that your husband is gay, sometimes people have fantasies about these kinds of things, but are not necessarily gay. I do think that him wanting to do these thigns while he is married IS odd and somewhat out of place. I do not think "swining" is healthy for a relationship either. It can just pave the way to bad things, such as cheating. His childhood incident could have possibly had something to do with his wanting to do these things, but he should let go of that which is in his past and see what he has in front of him. You!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): It appears that this seems to be a growing fetish type situation with others as well. Some men want their wives or girlfriends to tell them to do this and then watch them do it. Others fantasize about exactly what you mentioned about your husband wanting and that is to watch another man have sex with his wife and then "taste" his wife off of the other mans d*ck.
They call this bi curious or either bi sexual. I wouldn't say he was gay, he is just wanting to explore and experiment with different sexual situations. Sure it seems a little on the weird side but who knows, it might be more exciting than one might think.
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