| A
female
,
*miley
writes: I've been married for 18 yrs. My husband has been working with a woman for 3 yrs. and wants to buy her a christmas gift. Is this acceptable? (The thing is, he had an affair 8 yrs ago with a different woman he worked with). I've met this woman and she's not friendly toward me and she's older than him. He says that their just friends and nothing more. But, she does things for him a lot, like going to the liquor store and even brought him a T-Bone steak dinner to work. He got very mad when I told him I didn't think it was right for him to buy her a gift. Who's right him or me?
View related questions:
affair, christmas Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (27 November 2005):
 Whether your objections are warranted depend on what sort of present he's talking about. If she needs a new sandwich toaster, for example, and he can afford it and wants to buy it for her (without affecting his other financial obligations), then it's probably no big deal. Let him do it.
If he's talking about getting her a diamond-encrusted tiara though, yes, I think your concerns are valid.
You also need to examine the relationship you have with your husband lately (Trusting? Good? Struggling? Horrendous?) and learn a bit about his relationship with her so that you can confirm that it really is just friendship between them, and not a boredom with your relationship that's making her look like an attractive bit-on-the-side.
I too have been with my husband for 18 years, and while we love each other with a deep and profound understanding, I realise that he sees some of his coworkers more often than he sees me, just because of the obligations of work. I don't discourage his friendships with men or women. As for myself, I have close bonds with men that I work with, and which are not sexual, so it's certainly true that he can be telling the truth about just wanting to get a present for someone he likes.
Talk with him about your concerns and about why he feels he needs to get this woman a present at all. Really listen to his replies and try to give him the benefit of any doubt, unless things sound fishy and cobbled-together. You have many years of knowing him on which to base your opinions.
Hope that this is some help.
A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (27 November 2005):
 He could of bought her a present without telling you but he did ask,saying that though,it does seem to me that this woman has her eye on him,why do i think that? well you can have friends of the opposite sex and it doesnt have to lead to anything but what bothers me is she doesnt seem to like you much and if you are getting those vibes then i would say you are right.Never underestimate a womans intuition.You said your husband had a affair 8 years ago so obviously you are going to be worried that history will repeat it self.Im not one for playing games but in this situation i would do an experiment here.Instead of your husband buying a gift for this women,why dont you ask her round for dinner? It would still be a nice gesture and if your husband kicks up a dust saying he doesnt agree to that or she declines then i would definately think something is not quite right.But if they both agree,and she does come to dinner then watch for signs,you will see with your two own eyes if something is going on.If your fears are founded then you will have decide whether you want to stay with your husband.You are allowed to make 1 mistake but if your hubby is doing it again for the second time then im afraid you will have to decide whether you want to live with a man who is so easily lead.Goodluck.
...............................
|
