A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband. Zach, and I graduated from a all boy Catholic school in 2003. We didn't know each other was gay in high school since we both didn't come out of the closet until after we graduated. I always love spending time with Zach, even in high school. I'm extremely proud of our relationship and how amazing Zach is. We just moved back to our home city for work and be closer to our families. The problem is that our 20th year reunion is next summer. Zach wants to go but I'm nervous about going. I'm worried how the school, a Catholic school, will respond to us for being gay and married. I don't want to see Zach get hurt by the school reacting badly towards us (telling us to leave for example).Any advice on what to do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2022): I think you should go and hold your heads high. If anybody makes derogatory comments then walk away and speak with someone else. Why should you not be able to go and socialise and see everyone again. I would hope that the majority of people are decent humans who would support you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2022): I wouldnt recommend going. Janice Joplin thought people would accept her after international fame but she still found the same small minded people and it was an unhappy experience for her.
She died shortly afterwards and I always wondered if the reunion tipped the scales!
I would book a nice weekend away to somewhere youve always wanted to visit and let them wonder what happened to you.
Or have a weekend at home without giving the reunion a second thought.
Or hang out with friends you already have.
Its annoying to have to relive school days anyway!
Youve moved on a long way from schooldays and I see no reason to revisit them!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2022): I understand your concern as it is/was a Catholic school, and Catholics overall tend to be more traditionalist when it comes to topics like marriage. I personally don’t think anyone will say anything. However, I won’t lie to you…there is a good possibility there will be some people attending (or the school itself) who will secretly disagree with your decision to marry another man. That doesn’t automatically mean, though, that they will express (or feel) hostility toward you or your husband. Some religious people, while they are traditionalists or conservatives, don’t hate or feel the need to mistreat gay/lesbian people. They recognize they can disagree with someone’s choice to act upon homosexual feelings, without hating them or making them feel bad over it. I realize there are some who still haven’t learned to differentiate between disagreement and hatred, but just remember everyone is/has been judged unfairly by someone for every reason under the sun. Some people, while not judged for their race, sex, or orientation, are still judged over physical attributes they have no control over (like being considered remarkably unattractive). You are far from alone in your worries, if that is reassuring. There are probably others who want to attend, but are worried they will be judged over their choice of career, or they’ve gained weight, they’re still single, or all of the above. I realize your scenario is still different from all of that, and yet it is similar in the fact that your worries stem from the natural human desire to be accepted by others.
Bottom line is, I’d go if I were you. That is, if you want to besides worrying the school or someone else will say something. I agree with the other poster that said you probably won’t see them again until the next reunion anyway. Update us, and let us know how it went.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (13 October 2022):
 I think that you should just go and enjoy yourselves and hold your heads up high and be proud of who you are.
It's a school reunion, people that you went to school with years ago, who cares what they think. You will go there, have a good time, have a few drinks no doubt, catch up with people you have not seen in a long time and probably, then after the night is over probably not see them again till the next reunion in another 20 years.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 October 2022):
 Have you guys been in contact with anyone since graduation?
If so, don't they know already?
Accept that there are some people who think they have to judge others (I'm sure you have met some already in your life)
And if you want to go, then go, if people act like jerks, leave, go have a nice dinner elsewhere.
And if you two aren't in contact with anyone from there, why bother? They are obviously not people you care about.
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