A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my husband both want kids, but my husband does, albeit in a slightly odd way... he wants me to "use my feminine wiles and sleep with whoever I fancy to get pregnant!"He says that I should get pregnant by another guy - and said I should act on my attractiveness to other men, and that they should TRY to get me pregnant, and that he'd have the hot sex with me and not the boring procreation sex (his words, not mine). He also said to me that we could bring up whoever the other guy's child is as our own and the kid would never know. He's already abstained from sex until I do it. He said the biological father probably wouldn't want to see the kid anyway.He said adoption was a bad idea, and that he would never want to adopt a child, he'd rather bring up another guy's child.I said to him that was an awful, low idea, but he insisted it would make our relationship better.No matter how much I try and convince him this is degrading, he's insistent about it and doesn't see it as cheating, which I definitely do. Ironically though, he wouldn't cheat on me, says cheating is disgusting, does this make him a hypocrite?I don't know why he has this idea - he's not impotent or anyhting like that, nor has he got erectile dysfunction either. It just sounds too odd for a guy to want his wife to get pregnant by another man.Don't get me wrong, he's a lovely guy normally but this idea is causing stress for me, and it's not normally the type of thing he'd suggest.The whole thing sounds too strange to me, what would you do in my situation? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): you are not a whore and your husband should not make you one. if this is a genuine posting then i think your h/b may just be gay. or sick or perverted.
if you indulge in this, then you only have your self to blame for the consequences.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): I've got to tell you it really sounds like this guy has a certain type of sexual fetish called "CUCKOLD" or "CUCK". Look it up. Ask him about it. Seriously. Cos if you love this guy and he has been brave enough to tell you his dirtiest fantasy then you should at least do him the courtesy of listening and talking it out with him. You don't have to ACT on it. Maybe you can just incorporate it into your fantasy life. Roleplay with him on it. I've talked to men who wanted to be cuckolded. It arouses them...I'm not really sure how it emotionally fulfils them but I guess they know what they want! They do get off on the humiliation and degradation aspect of it. But they don't want to degrade you, they want to BE degraded. They feel it is a form of service and servitude, like you can do whatever you want and they will still love you and be your devoted "slave" if you like. Basically if you got married without knowing your partners sexual orientation...I hope you two are at least in love and in TRUST enough to talk it through. Who knows, if he is submissive you might be able to turn it to your advantage. Look up "domestic slave fetish" lol and also? If you have any secret fantasies now would be the time to tell him about them.
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A
female
reader, Olivia(Y).  +, writes (7 May 2009):
 This man wants a child but not the responsibilites that come with it.
When something comes up he will just say the childs not mine. If he has to pay for it he will use the same excuse the child isn't mine.
This is so he can walk away from you anytime and not have a child to worry about.
DON'T get pregnant by another man. It won't make you relationship better, it will make it worse.
Good luck
Livia
xoxox
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): This sounds very simple to me - he thinks he wants a child, but he wants the option to walk away in the future without any obligations if he doesn't enjoy parenthood.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): It doesn't take much to work this one out.
He doesn't want ultimate responsibility for the child. It sounds like he doesn't want children with you, and this is his weak and cowardly way of getting out of it.
I agree with the other poster that this guy is trying to get out of A LOT. Whenever he gets sick of the family set up, he can take off anytime because it isn't his child.
If he adopts a child, he is more responsible for that child than he is being a 'step father' if you like.
And there are no guarantees the biological father wouldn't want to be in the picture.
The loser out of this will be you because you'll end up raising this child alone.
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A
female
reader, domains3  +, writes (7 May 2009):
Could it be his way of getting you to have a threesome or allowing him to watch you having sex with another man, with his permission without putting that idea forth. Which is usually responded with a forget it by women? If he thinks you want a child bad enough, and he wants this alternative sex but doesn't think you'd go along with it without a very good reason then maybe thats why he is doing this. Other than that, how do you now he isn't impotent? Men still ejaculate when they are impotent, they just don't ejaculate live sperm or many sperm, its just the seminal fluid that you see. Perhaps he doesn't want to own up to that due to his ego or another reason? Other than that....he is completely screwed up and has no knowledge of how he would feel raising a child knowing it wasn't his. Does he really want children of his own or is this an out for him at some later date? Ive been in many a bizarre situation, but this surpasses most! Let me know okay. Thinking of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): thats a horrible idea. I think your husband just wants to be guilt free in the future if the child does anything wrong. That way he can say "he's your son go take care of him." Its him getting out of A LOT. Raising a child together is a bonding experience, that both parents need to feel. its what brings the family together. Plus how would you feel if you were the child and being lied to your entire life about not knowing who your real father was? i'd feel betrayed and unloved.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): I don;t think this is a fake question -- I agree with the other poster: it's clearly a fetish. It's not wholly uncommon. We see plenty of posts about people who feel jeoulousy about former lovers. This is the opposite, possibly indeed a reaction to jealousy. I think it's certainly ok for people to have a fetish, or fantasy, but I think your husband has taken it way too far. Withholding sex until you have sexual relations and become pregnant by someone else. Contrary to your view of him, that's not at all normal. I am guessing that he has deep-rooted psychological problems predicated on self-loathing and low self-esteem (not matter how he appears). Dude needs professional help. And you do too, because your so close to it. Mental illnes is (figuratively) contagious... Good luck. I'm sure he is not a bad man, but he has issues that need to be addressed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): And how long do you really think he'll go without sex? It's gonna be a looooonnng long time if he's waiting for you to cheat on him. He's punishing himself.
Plus, it's not like sex isn't as good if it has a purpose or if it results in a baby. I did it by accident... it was just that good.
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A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (7 May 2009):
 um...... thats not right. bringing a child into the world is ment for showing you want to be w/ tnat person on a higher level. sorry to bring this up but do you maybe think he wants you to do this so he can say you cheated on him and make a fool out of you?? sorry it wasnt ment to be mean, its just thats what i thought when i read it. good luck dear.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): I agree with the other poster. This is extremely messed up. Your husband has some serious psychological problems that are dangerous and need to be addressed as soon as possible. If you go ahead with his little plan, it will ruin everyone's lives in the end, especially that of the child. This is wrong in every way possible. Don't even consider the offer.
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A
male
reader, FoleyIsGod +, writes (7 May 2009):
Is this our resident faker again??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): Your husband's a freak. Divorce him.
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