A
female
age
41-50,
*elyvs2131
writes:I have been with my husband for 11 years, married 6. We have a 3 year old daughter and I'm currently 5 1/2 months pregnant. Just two months ago my husband told me that he is sure he loves me, but he doesn't feel he is madly/crazy in love with me in order to keep a relationship for many years/lifetime. He also said that he doesn't think he's ever (not even when we were married) these passionate/crazy about me feelings. He just loves me 'cause we share a good life, we get along, I'm a good mother, good person...bla/bla/bla. Although we are trying to work it out and he's ask me to sort of leave it alone for now and see what happens in a year or so (since we are trying to work it out) deep inside I am totally devastated, and sort of just waiting for the day he tells me (I'm not in love w/ you, I'm out of here.)He's asked me to concentrate on the positive and on the fact that he want's to try. He claims that our marriage is far from over and also that counseling is not necessary at this point; but honestly I feel horrible, I am so hurt - and I'm wondering if I should give him the chance to find he's feelings, or if I should just leave. I think he needs a wake up call - but I don't want to play games and I don't want him to stay around just because I'm pregnant (I don't want pity love). Also I wonder, could he really be crazy about me, maybe he just hasn't figured it (I don't know). I'm hurt, scared and confused. PLEASE ADVICE - ANYONE!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): I can understand where your coming from, your not on your own. I have the same thing with my husband we have a 4 year old son together and I am desperate for another child, he also would like another but hes not desperate like me. He has openly admitted to me that he doesn't fancy me at the moment and dont know why but has said he doesn't fancy any one else either. I know that he loves me deeply. But I feel the same as you hurt and not wanted passionatly. I sometimes think that maybe men maybe do need a wake up call Im just going to play a bit harder to get and not tent to his every need, and sort of make out i can do with out him even though i would hate to be with out him. i think the more you run after them the worse they get. Hope this helps to know its not just you
A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (20 February 2007):
 Of course you're hurt. I can't imagine why your husband thought it was appropriate to tell you that! I think he's doing something that a lot of guys do. He was passionate about you at the start when it's all about the passion but because you weren't his first girlfriend he didn't feel the same passion for you as he did for her, which is totally normal. I'm sure your own first serious boyfriend made you feel much stronger than anyone has since.
The passion is sure to have faded as you get further into your marriage but love between you is still an amazing thing. You're being very selfless by even considering letting him go to find someone he feels this for but I don't think it's the right thing to do. Passion or not, your two kids deserve to grow up in a happy, secure family. Your husband chose you and has two kids with you. Therefore he should realise that love and family is more important than passion will ever be.
CD
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2007): the problem that many couples have is that "passionate/crazy" love for someone only lasts 2-3 years. love is work, love is knowing someone. it isnt just about having that feeling in your stomach everytime you think about the person. i may not be explaining this very clearly, i would suggest reading The Five Languages of Love: go here: http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/
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