A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have never had as strong a sex drive as my husband (married 8 yrs). I know it's always been a problem, but for the last year everytime I say no to sex. He tells me he's gonna go out and have an affair. This really hurt me and when I told him so he didn't apologize he said it was out of frustrtaion. So in the past two months we've been doing so much better. Though the affair commemts never stoped. Anytime I say no to sex he says he's gonna hook up with someone else. Even if we just had sex the night before. We went from twice a month to two times a week. And this morning when he brought up sex, but I was tired he said "I tell you there's a problem we're gonna have to come up with a plan B. We only have sex twice a month". I wanted to throw something at him. What bout the last two months? And why can't he give me any credit when I'm trying so hard? I love him so much, but he makes me feel so bad about myself. I pointed all this out to him and he says he only talks about an affair cause he wants me to want more sex. Hello, making me feel bad about myself and resentful towards him will not make me want sex more. I don't know what to do. We have a daugther and I do love him. He's a good husband and father a good man, except in this dept. When it comes to sex he's my number one enemy! How can we/I fix this? I know he's not having an affair he just like to threaten me with it. How do I get him to stop?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2011): Change your attitude before you really put him in a weak situation were he'll accept any outside advances.
Be grateful of what you have and try to do your best to keep him.
You know, only when we lose something dear that we realise its true value, and we wish we tried harder.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): "..How can we/I fix this?." HOW ABOUT CHANGING YOUR ATTITUDE?look having differing sexual levels in a relationship always places a heavy stress on the couples BUT the one with the low sex drive has to understand that he/she is not fulfilling his/her role as a sexual companion. it is not easy. emotions run high and hurt feeling normally deflect the true issues.your hb is telling u his need.you have been made aware what his need is.YET you have done almost nothing to rectify your attitude.your hb is not asking for anything out of the ordinary. he is TELLING you that he needs and wants more.Instead of begrudging him this request, look for alternatives. read up about low sex drives, fnd out how you can change this to satisfy him.visit a sexologist.couples/marital counsellingYou said it best: your hb is a good man, a decent man, a good dad, good provider.If you do not change your attitude you may find that a *itch will have no qualms providing what you have CHOSEN not to.I am not being nasty to you, but i think you need to re evaluate your with holding of sex. Sex is beautiful, it is a bond. You make it seem as though it is a crime to have sex more than twice a week, or twice a month.You are young, you are healthy, i am sure you do not want to lose your hb so please check out your hormone levels and start making a concerted effort.LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): Sex is an important part of marriage, as is trust, love, etc.This is a major conflict now in your marriage. Don't take no for an answer, and get involved with couples counseling. Tell him that he's doing it, with you, and your doing it with him. Get a good counselor, and work on this, and talk about sex openly and your marriage openly, with an expert.If you do, then it will help.If you don't, then you will probably find the marriage breaking down, and your husband may be surprised by what happens. You may be the one who ends up having the affair or one night stand."making me feel bad about myself and resentful towards him will not make me want sex more"Yes, it can, but not just with him. It can make you want sex more with someone else.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): this is unacceptable behaviour. totally unacceptable. sit him down properly and tell him how it makes you feel when he puts these ridiculous ultimatums on you. its basically rape. you're only consenting because of his empty threats. if he really loved you he'd respect your decision. how can you even be turned for him if he forces sex upon you like this. I'm a guy, and i know guys have reputations for being dicks. your husband sounds like a loving husband in someways but not in the sex department. seriously, sit him down. tell him how much it hurts you and its putting serious stress on you
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A
female
reader, LizBeth +, writes (15 March 2011):
It seems like he isn't really hearing what you're saying. I think that if you could get him to go some joint counseling, you might be able to work it out. You say that he's a good husband and a good man. If that's so, he will be willing to work this out with you. I don't think that you'll be able to solve it without some intervention because you're probably arguing in the same patterns. Until you learn to speak to and hear each other differently, you won't resolve this issue. One other thought, has your libido always been low? There are various reasons that this can happen. This link: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/low-sex-drive-in-women/DS01043/DSECTION=causes (which you may have to copy and paste into your browser) will give you a few things to consider. You may want to consider a thorough physical, too.
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