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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been married for sixteen years and have two children. I have been having an affair with a married man for the past two years. It has been on and off during those two years. We were friends for about seven years and it evolved into more. I know it is wrong and have recently stopped communicating with him. I will see him once in a while because our social paths do cross. My husband has suspected there was something between us and has questioned me specifically about this man. I have always denied everything. I know about the pros and cons of telling your spouse about an extramarital affair, however, I also don't want this invisible wedge between us. Obviously, it isn't so invisible to him!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): First you have to increase real respect toward your dear husband and feel surrendered your self to your husband. And to your refined desire . There are a lot of err is human. But to repeat again is great negligency. Do Love-n- Belive in civilization enlights in Ramayana.Say Jai Siya Ram than Jai Hanuman. Everything will be setteled. You need not to relise to your husband.
A
female
reader, Bonnie Lass +, writes (27 November 2005):
I would strongly advise you to TELL your husband. If you do not have trust in your relationship and the strength in your marriage then you have NOTHING and the lie will eventually begin to eat your soul. If anyone else knows that you had an elicit meeting behind your husbands back you will always live in fear of who will tell him before you do.It truly is easy to lie and adopt the CYA policy but telling the truth takes a different type of strength and can sometimes be very difficult. You will run through many fears of whether he will be angry, whether he will want to divorce you etc. I must ask, would you rather run the rest of your life knowing that you are harboring a lie?It is one thing to lie to another but it is completely different to lie to oneself. You must ask yourself, does your husband love you ENOUGH for you to tell him anything and stand by your side? Beyond that, do you love him enough to be open and honest with him? If either one of those answers is NO then I would say that there is something definitely weak in your foundation and if that is the case it will appear again and agian. No one should live in fear of telling their spouse/best friend ANYTHING. Consider something for a moment, Is your spouse your best friend? Many say yes, however, if you have told someone else your secret and not afforded your husband the same ability to know then I would say he is NOT your best friend as you confide ALL in your best friend with the trust that they will love and support you even during making mistakes which we all make.We all make choices in our life and it is evident that you are down to ONLY two choices. Lie to your husband and know that there will always be a shadow of dishonesty or stand the line, buck up and tell the truth and have a clear conscience and honesty in your life.Sincerely,Someone who had an affair and stood the line...It paid off.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2005): If you love your husband and want your marriage to work, do not see your lover no more. Then start paying more attention to your husband and do little things for him. Make a picnic lunch and go to a park together, or just the two of you start doing things together to get the romance back in your marriage. Go on a date{out to eat and a movie}, or a walk and talk about when you were first dating. Good luck
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A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (26 November 2005):
 Honesty isnt always the best policy and you didnt write this letter so that you will get a load of abuse back.Thats sarcastic remarks not constuctive advice.Ok,you had this affair and i expect you found that seeing your lover was more of a pain then anything else.You also realised that it wasnt going anywhere.So keep to that.If your paths do cross then just be polite say hello then go on your way.Now your husband keeps asking you if you have been seeing this man and you have denied it.What would it achieve,if you confessed all? Well for one,your husband will be devastated,two,your lovers wife and children so they will get dragged in to it and three,your children will get hurt and for what? To ease your guilty conscience? You will have 2 families destroyed.I dont think its worth that,do you? Now with time your husband will eventually stop asking you while you keep denying it,your not with your lover no more so you have learned your lesson that the grass isnt all that greener.Try and put that sparkle back in to your marriage,make it work for your childrens sake if nothing else.
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A
female
reader, AlienJerzey12 +, writes (26 November 2005):
I'm not sure how you can lead your husband on like this. It's down right shameful. You need to be honest and open with your husband because if you don't get honest now when he does find out that you ARE IN FACT cheating the reprucussions will be astounding. Maybe you can work things out while you still have a chance or maybe you need to decide how much your husband means to you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2005): Set that poor man free,Yes he gets the kids and house. If I was him I would see that mans wife and have a long talk with her. It's not going to get any better for you for you untill open up to you're husband about it. Yes it's busting his heart open right now and yes SOMEONE TOLD HIM ABOUT YOU!
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