| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My husband stopped having sex with me a few years ago. I tried many thing to make him excited, but no success.Now I have enough of this, and started to feel humiliated to initiate, with no result. I do look good, as I always took care of myself...So its not the fat wife syndrome...He states ,he doesn't know what is wrong,and says its not about me.So how long can he keep me in this shady atmosphere,where everything is hanging in the air? How can I make him say it out loud? Because I could live in a sexless marriage, but I would need to know , if that is the case. Because now I don't know how to call this relationship,. Friendship? Marriage? Or what? I wonder what is your take on this? Thanks Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): Don't believe that explanation for a minute. He does know what's wrong. He just isn't willing to share it with you. There could be a number of reasons. He might not be in love with you anymore. He might be getting sex elsewhere. He may question his sexuality. He may be depressed. He may be unable to perform physically and is too embarrassed to seek medical help. There could be a number of reasons why this is happening.
A couple of years ago, I lost my sex drive and it turned out I had very low testosterone levels (I am in your age range). Hormone replacement and an ocassional viagra made me good as new. I would urge him to see a doctor to see if there is a physical reason for his lack of sexual appetite. In most cases, that can be treated.....whether it's hormonal or ED. If he's otherwise healthy, maybe marriage counseling can help him reveal what is going on. Is he religious? Maybe he would open up to a member of the clergy? Maybe to a mutual friend? If he's unwilling to participate in any of this, then you have a real problem on your hands because he appears to be unwilling to open up to you. Best of luck.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (24 October 2008):
If you are happy without the sex, then you need to tell him that. He's probably terrified that as soon as he opens up about it you will leave him.
Also have you considered there could be a medical problem physically stopping him from having sex?
Erectile dysfunction can be a symptom of some pretty serious things so it's important he sees a doctor if that is the case.
As for what to label your relationship... just call it "sarah and steve" or what ever your names are. It doesn't need to be labelled. You are married and love each other so why quantify it more than that.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): He obviously knows there's a problem, but the cause of it needs looking into. It could be many things, but the first thing he needs to do is to admit the problem to someone else other than you - starting with his doctor for a good check-up if perhaps there's a medical reason. If not, it could be psychological. Other than that, he could have simply gone off you or maybe he's even seeing someone else. Obviously he has to be willing to do so, but you really need to talk this through and try to get to the bottom of it, seeking professional help if need be.
The best suggestion I can come up with as to what to call your marriage is a platonic one!
...............................
|
