A
female
age
41-50,
*ama81
writes:My husband has a son from his privious relationship, and he is only a few month older than our son. Before our son was born i was attached to my step son even though i only see him once a week ( he lives with his mother). As bad as it sounds, I can't stand that little boy any more because my husband loves him more than he loves our son, and also has a special relationship with the mother herself. That is driveing me crazy. I can't stand it any more. He says the only time he speaks to her is to see how his son is doing. He calls her every day. I know that he dosen't want to be with her any more, but the fact is, he hides things from me when he speaks with her. I feel disrespected and don't know how to handle it. Any advice, please?
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female
reader, mama81 +, writes (3 October 2007):
mama81 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the support, it heplped alot.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): I have been through this. My ex husband calls our son every day and I am so happy for him. My partner is OK with it. We know when he will be calling so have the phone nearby for my son to answer. Having said that I don't mind and neither does my partner if we speak first. We all have good relationships. In fact my ex father in law just came around to help us put in a new bathroom! This is several years down the line but shows what can be acheived. Please remember the sense of guilt that your husband feels about his first son, which is why he is trying extra hard to make it up to him. You need to help him with it and be supportive. The children are the people who matter here, so there would be not harm in telling your husband that you respect what he is doing and why, but to bear in mind that by trying to make up to his first son so hard, there is a possibility that your son together may be the one left out or feeling short-changed. If you have a rational conversation about this you are much more likely to make some headway. You need to keep giving the first son your affection too, love is not something to be divied out. You have plenty left for the poor lad who is not able to live with his Dad. Be generous.
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A
female
reader, edie  +, writes (2 October 2007):
he maybe only hides things from you because he knows how unhappy you are with the situation . you should be happy that he still loves his other son and wants to be a big part of his life it shows how genuine he is wiht his kids you maybe think he loves his other son more but he will love them both the same and because he see's your son every day he probably feels guilty and this is probably the reason he calls every day abiut his other son i know it must be difficult but the sooner you can accept the situation the easier things will become and he will be able to be more honest with you and not have to hide things from you any longer and with that you will be able to love your step son again cos after all he is going to be a big part of your life cos he will always be your sons brother
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