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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My husband says,he wishes I wouldn't want him to be sexual with me,as he never feels any desire, and it is leading him, not getting an erection at all.And he feels bad about this. i asked him,if it's over, but he says no.he wants me...What can cause this ,when a man don't want sex?Is this acceptable,or it's very alarming? What should I think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): I am going through the same thing as well and we have been seeing a doctor. I have been married 18 years and we are 42 years old. My husband has always liked sex and I am at a sexual high in my life and his has disappeared completely even porn doesnt turn him on. He is takin stuff for a erection but this to doesnt help. I know what you are going through....up at night crying because your husband doesn't desire or want to be with you even though they say it isnt the case. I have been battling this for a year now and it is commen to ask if the marriage is over because you do blame yourself or at least I do. I let my mind go wild searching for answers and I don't understand. I know that I am taking the opportunity to try to improve on other things as communication and we take walks together ect. trying to make our marriage stronger. I don't like the feelings of rejection and loneliness but I know he is having a hard time with it to. So work together and talk. Masturbation does take a edge off but when you want your husband it isnt the same. Sex is when anyone and anybody can do it but making love to that special person is being at one letting the walls down sharing of two soul and one heart. So it is hard not to blame oneself that it is me me me and they have lost the attraction to you but this isnt the case. I know we talk all the time and he has to keep reassuring me it isnt me. I wish there was a chat room just for this and other to support so we don't feel so alone.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): Men and women can both lose their sex drive because of many medical problems. Hormones are a big cause. For men, low testosterone or high estradiol (yes, men have estrogens) can cause sexual problems like low desire and ED. It can also cause depression, loss of strength and fatigue. Hormone problems also cause sexual problems in women. If this is the cause then he probably doesn't even know why he has no desire.
Many medications can also cause sexual problems. Some anti-depressants are one of them. Drugs for BPH (enlarged prostate) are another one. Some high blood pressure medications are another one.
He needs to see a doctor about this. The doctor should take a look at any medications that he is taking and also check hormones and other things like cholesterol levels. The problem with hormone problems is that few doctors really understand them and don't know what a proper level is and don't treat the problem properly. He can try Viagra or one of the other ED drugs, but they don't do anything for libido, just erections. The desire still has to be there for them to work.
Just because he doesn't want sex doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. Sexual desire doesn't always correspond to feelings of love. Some people love sex with someone but don't love that person and the other way around. My wife has never had a high sexual desire, but still loves sex with me and responds very well. She just seldom initiates sex. If she couldn't orgasm then that would require looking at hormones or other medical problem, assuming the relationship is good.
Start by getting him to a doctor and hope that the doctor understands all the possible causes of sexual problems.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): The previous posters have given some very good advice, I would like to add one possibility that hasn't been stated. Sexual addiction can cause a man to loose sexual interest in his wife although he loves her very much and does not want to loose her.
This problem has been mentioned on this board many times and it is worth mentioning.
Only your husband can give the answers you seek....is it an emotional, physical or psycological issue? You have the right to base your decision to stay or go based on the truth of that answer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2009): does he have any medical problems. why would you ask him whether your marriage is over. have there been marital problems.
i find it strange that he does not want sex. does he only have erection problems with you. it is alarming that he just want you to accpet that he will not have sex with you and doesn't want you to ask for it.
perhaps you need to ask him, if he doesn't want to give it to you are you allowed to get it from someone else. you are obviously young and have needs, these needs are deliberately being denied to you by your hb. i can understand if he has proven medical erection problems but just denying you withour proper explanation means that he is selfish. he still wants you in his life- for what, just being his maid, seeing to the kids, cooking, cleaning, doing the normal wife duties but not the very thing that bonds you two together? like a sexually active life.
i think you need to discover the real reason for him not wanting tobe sexually active with you.
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