A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have recently been told by my husband that he is not sure he wants to be a husband or a father anymore. He says he's not sure what he wants except maybe to not have to be accountable to anyone but himself, only responsible for himself. After this blow of info I then find out on my own that he has been spending hours and hours on his cell phone with another women who is half my age, he says there has been nothing physical but that he is very fond of her and cares for her a great deal. they started talking because they are both experiencing marital problems. I wasnt even aware that we were having problems, let alone that he was considering leaving me and our children. The more I questioned I got answers that were not so pleasant and have been really hard for me to come to terms with. they work together and every nite when they get done with work they sit in his truck and talk, hold hands. he says she makes him feel like he is young again and doesnt have a care in the world, like they are the only two people that exist. when i asked if he had kissed her, he said yes but only one time and it was more like a test. what the hell is that supposed to mean. he says he needs space to figure out if what he feels for her is real or if what he and i share is real. we are approaching our ninth anniversary. he cant handle when i get emotional about this, so i have to act like it doesnt bother me but i am in so much agony i dont know what to do. he told her i knew about all the phone calls and time spent alone, and says that he doesnt want to stop talking to her because he needs that and doesnt feel he can talk to me. i dont know from day to day if he is just gonna up and leave or what. i wake each day and worry all day. i did suggest that we maybe seperate so he can be alone and decide just what the hell he wants, because him putting me and our little girl thru this isnt fair to us. she is so close to her daddy and will be devasted if he leaves and there is no way in hell i am letting him take her. i may be called a fool by many but i love him with all my heart and dont want to throw away all we share, this history and he says he will always love no matter what happens. can u see how i am so confused and totally anxiety ridden. anyone have any advice for me as i feel like i am sinking into a black hole of deep depression and apathay. please help
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male
reader, retropetyput  +, writes (11 January 2009):
I feel for you. I myself was in a similar situation. But I was engaged and we didnt have a kid. Sounds like your husband is going threw a mid life crisis. He sees himself getting older with a family and feels trapped and held down which is natural but also natural for him to snap out of it. Most men go threw this, either buying high end cars or getting hair implants etc. and then the case of a seceret flirt from the office or neighbourhood. For the most part the joy is the seceret of having an affair and when it is found out the attractiveness is usually lost even if they are half your age. But if it keeps up I would seriously think of other alternatives. I myself was with a woman 2 times my age and found out she was married 8 MONTHS after dateing her and finding out she was going through a crisis as well. We talked it threw and seeing that the husband was a decent fellow I cut it off, we still talk but as friends. From you saying that he kissed her once seems unliekly im srry to say but alas i odnt know your husband personally so i cant make any assumptions. Personally try not to prode so much that he becomes angry or annoyed, but make him a nice supper, have you child stay at a friends or relatives and have a very quiet talk about where this is heading. If he flat out sais he wont stop sitting in the car holding hands and having 'Test' kisses then see a couple therapist or the likes. Alas I dont know the minute details but he seems to have lost his way and needs a well stable woman to set him straight. I wish you and your family the best.
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