A
female
age
41-50,
*Odone
writes:So, found text on my husband's phone of naked girl and dirty talk. She is my sister in law's best friend.. Lives 2,000 Miles away, so a lot of talking on phone and dirty pics. I set him up with a facebook account and this is were they connected. What should I think of this? Been going on for three weeks.. My gut tells me to leave but we've been married for ten years and have three kids. He promises he made a big mistake and didn't mean it to happen. And it was JUST TEXTING.. Got phone bill today and they TALKED almost every day and for up to 45 min at a time.. What do I beleive?????
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female
reader, femalecupid00 +, writes (1 March 2009):
leave him! clearly you deserve better he put his marriage and his kids on the line by being so disgusting. and your right it is embrassing to talk to your friends about and thats what he's doing making a fool out of you your children and you marriage. im sure your kids would be so pissed with him. sometimes the mistakes adults make alter a childs life. i had a friend whos father was semi-famous he cheated on his wife and the pictures were all in the news paper. she was so embrassed and hurt she didnt want to show her face in school she had felt like everyone knew. she even convinced her mom to throw him out since her relationship with her father was tarnished. the thing was she could fell her mothers heartbreak now i can only imagine how it will effect her love life and relationships. children develope loads of trust issues when learning from thier parents mistakes! YOU DONT WANT THIS FOR YOUR CHILDREN! and another thing its texting and calling now (emotional affair) it will lead to something more maybe not with this girl cause shes miles away. but the next time it will lead to more and you be able to hide this from friends and family.
"FOOL ME ONCE SHAME ON YOU, FOOL ME TWICE SHAME ON ME!"
dont give him the oppurtunity to let it happen again.
A
female
reader, SOdone +, writes (27 February 2009):
SOdone is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOMG.. Thank you!! I have never asked for advise like this and the feedback has already made a world of difference. I can't talk to my friends about this because its way to embarrassing.. You are all helping so much and its very appriciated. Thank you!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 February 2009):
 It's what's called an emotional affair. What he should do is put all that time and effort into you and your marriage not flirt/horny mail some chick 2000 miles away.
Been in a situation a lot like yours.
What I did was write him a long ass mail telling him EVERYTHING. How it make me feel for him to have these conversations with a almost stranger, how hurtful is was, that I saw it as cheating and it was his first strike. That he is getting no more strikes.
What you do is for YOU to decide what you will accept in a marriage and what you will not. Then you tell him. He can either delete the Facebook and block the chick or leave.
If he isn't satisfied in his marriage, then he needs to work (with you of course) on those issues, not working on a woman who has nothing to do with his marriage. OR he needs to get out.
Maybe you aren't all the way satisfied with him either.. Maybe sex is getting boring for you too. Maybe you want more from him, maybe you need more from him.
A marriage is hard work. And it takes BOTH to work it, not just 1.
Sit down and think hard. On what you want from him, your marriage and life. Then talk to him.
From personal experience THAT conversation saved my marriage. He owned up to it. He didn't lie about or make it sound like I was some crazy jealous wife, he saw what it had done to me and to our marriage. He saw what he could loose. We now talk better, have more fun in our sex life and in all other aspects. But I was "this" close to taking out 3 kids and walk out.
With that being said. IT took me almost 2 years to forgive and have that talk with him. Don't waste that much time. It takes a toll on your mind and body worrying and feeling like crap. While he runs around on a "attention" high.
As for the chick sending dirty picture, screw her. Don't waste time on her. She is a sad piece of woman who can't get out there in the "real" life and get a man of her own. And your sister in law's BBF.. that just ain't cool.
Good luck,
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): hmmm
ok give him the ultimatum. no more facebook, no more txting \ phoning. goodbye to her or to you. ....
Hugs star.x.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (27 February 2009):
 This is a form of cheating called 'emotional cheating'. He may think it's no big deal because she lives to far away, so nothing physical could really happen. But the truth is, he is investing time into a relationship with another woman. If he cannot understand that, then maybe you should talk to him very seriously about leaving with the kids.
I suggest marriage counseling, but the truth is, he needs to see that this is damaging behavior. If he doesn't want to change, then he won't.
I know it can be embarrassing to be the one being cheated on, but have you talked to your sister in law about what her friend is doing? I would out him about his behavior. he more you hide it for him, the more you encourage him to continue.
I have been in your shoes. If you ever need someone to talk to, just message me. I hope this all helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): Well she is 2000 miles away so at least you know nothing physical is going on, BUT, it is cheating in a sense.
How dare he give this kind of attention to another woman.
I doubt he would be happy for you to do likewise.
Yes he is right, it was a big mistake, and if you decide to stay with him, then he has alot of sucking up to do.
How far was he prepared to take it? This is how affairs start.
He has damaged the trust you two have, he may have damaged your self esteem, depending on how self assured you are.
Personally id kick him to the kerb, but you know what you feel and whether he is worth giving a second chance.
The first thing that needs to go is the facebook account, and all contact with this woman, which he will gladly do if it was all a big mistake.
Good luck.
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