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female
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anonymous
writes:posted alot of questions lately last one being that my husband has just told me he is in love with another women got some answers back from you guys so i spoke to him last night as we got intimate about a week ago i asked him why if he is he is in love with her is he still doing things like this with me, his reply was just got caught up in the moment but he started the come on i'm so confused as i really dont know whats going on and he just goes quiet whenever i try to confront him about anything that has happened so i sent him a text last night and told him to make a decision either me and our kids or her now i am worried about the reply has anyone been through this sort of thing just dont know what to do or say to him anymore for the best as i love him deeply and want him back where he belongs...yours very sad and lonely
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): I too am going through the same ordeal. Married 27 years he left me 15 months ago to live with his girlfriend. He keeps telling me he'll leave on "HIS TERM", whatever that means. Meanwhile i sit and cry and cry and cry. Don't be like me and waste your life away.
i keep praying he'll come home, but you and i both know i'm lying to myself.
heartbroken and betrayed in maryland
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwould love to thank everybody for their advice, just to update you looks like he may have had another change of heart he has told me he is missing me and he has more feelings for me than he has been letting on. maybe and i hope i'm not i'm being abit forward but he has told me he wants to come home but he just has too work out how he is going to let the other women know as she now suffers from severe panic attacks and has been signed off work. i've just got to sit back and wait and hope he makes the right decision now.
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female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (16 November 2006):
 Hi there,
You think he has ruined your life. Why do you give him that much power. If you do confront his girlfriend, and tell her whats been going on, he will more than likely say you are lying. It will all get very bitter, is that what you want for your kids. Revenge can be very sweet for a while, but it tends to backfire. I know believe me. And the only person you will hurt in the end will be yourself and the kids. He will no doubt worm his way out of it, and you will be looked on as the nutty X-wife. Dont get bitter, for your own sake. Hold your head up high, and just remember, he wasnt faithfull to her either was he?. So he was either very unhappy, or he is just like that and maybe he always will be. Do you want that for the rest of your life. Find someone new, who will treat you better...
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell guys just to let you know he chose her, completly what i expected to hurts like hell though, anyway now considering telling her about what has been happening between us but he has told me if i do then he will sell our house, so where does that leave me and the kids, he and his new women have ruined my life yet he thinks i should just get over it and let them be does, has anyone else out there done this if so what was the outcome, i know he will not come back if i do this but do you think it will make me feel better.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006): just to let you know guys he chose her but as stupid as it is after twelve years i am still not going to give up i have tried to get her to phone me but she wont does not want to admit to her part in it all so i am now wondering if i should tell her about the intimacy women scourned and all that i know it wont bring him back but do you think it will make me feel better let me know if anyone else has done this and the outcome or just your views would be great
cheers guys
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female
reader, kellyO +, writes (14 November 2006):
 Hi dearie,
I really think you did the right thing. Please be patience and let him decide what he wants to do.Dont compromise your happiness to please him. He is taking advantage of you and the fact that you dont have the strength to leave him no matter what he does Once you let your partner feels this way he is going to think he can as well do anything and he will keep doing things knowing he will get away with it.
You have your kids to consider as well. what kind of example is he setting for them. Do you think they will be happy with you when they grow up to find out that their dad has been unfaithful and not fully dedicated to you or them and you kept up with this. You have to show some strength for your kids stake.
The final decision is yours if u want to keep up in a marriage lack of trust, dedication and full support. My advise is that he has to redefine his stance and his position in the marriage and rebuild on things if your two want to continue building a good home together.You did the right thing girl.
Goodluck dear.
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female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (14 November 2006):
Hi, felt very sad reading your letter.My boyfriend was married when we got together, im ashamed to say. We had been best friends for years, before anything happened. Although no one believed this. He was truly misserable in his relationship, and i was in mine. Then the obvious happened and we got together. His wife never acted like she wanted him, until it was to late, and he decided it was over. A-while ago they had to go away with their grown up daughter to veiw a new college. They both got drunk and had sex to-gether,(She had great delight in telling me). It really hurt, and i couldnt understand why it had happened. I never forced him to leave her, so why would he do this to us both. His answer was he felt sorry for her, and it was a habit. Only you can decide if you want to wait for a man who may not come back, and if he does, can you ever trust him again. I will add that I was once in the same position as you, my x-husband left me for another woman. He also come round all the time and we slept to-gether, and it took me ages to tell him to get lost. I loved him very much, but I did myself the biggest favour, by telling him to sod off. Within weeks and with the help of my friends i got my act to-gether, and felt so much better. I really dont mean to sound hard, but sometimes you have to let go. Its not about who gets the man (or woman). Its about you being able to deal with your life, and come out the other side, as undamaged as possible. I know it hurts like hell when you love someone, but try to remember how much you are worth. You wont be lonely for long, you sound to nice. Dont let it all be his choice
Best wishes XX
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2006): Sounds to me that he is having his cake and eating the lot!i'm glad you have made him choose you or her,but are you ready for an answer that you might not like. The best thing for you to do is pick your self up dust your self off go out with friends and family let him see that there is life after him, even if this is hard for you to do.
it just might make him see what he is missing?
Good luck and keep your chin up.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2006): Girl you Need to OPEN YOUR EYES! Leave this loser of a guy whom can not commit to you or your family. How much clearer can he tell you that he does NOT want to be with you. I know it hurts to hear it , but the trust hurts sometimes. You need better for not just yourself but your kids. Don't be another stupid girl who lets their man walk all over them eating his cake and using you as his tray.
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