A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have always been in some ways disliked by my family in law over the last 15 years and for the last 5 years I have removed myself from their insulting comments. I have not once expected my husband to cut any ties that would be wrong and have encouraged him to attend family events but he has been distant and it has caused issues but on the other hand he has never stood by me / stuck up for me either. Over Easter me and my husband had a terrible argument and he stormed off to be with his family and left me behind at home on my own with no transport in the new town we have just moved to. After three days he came home to tell me he wanted a divorce (which he has since completely changed his mind about) and that he had told his family 'all about me'. This included the fact that our marriage had deteriorated (sexually), the fact I suffered depression (5 years ago) and also, worse, that he had agreed with his Mother (who has in particular disliked me and been spiteful from the outset) that I had a coldness about me and that he felt I had been disturbed from a bad childhood and that the way I was brought up was not normal. I found all this too much to take and I have been reeling from the feeling of having my basic character discussed and insulted and undermined by my husband and his family (which included his brothers and their partners). To make matters worse my husband admitted that he told his parents something which I had told my husband in absolute 100% confidence about my childhood (not a terrible thing but it was personal) which he used as some kind of 'evidence' to explain 'the way I was'. This betrayal of trust has been worse than anything else as it had taken a lot to discuss this with my husband years ago and he had promised me he would not discuss it with anyone. My relations with his family, the loneliness I have felt from not being accepted or liked (for no good reason) has now I think been ruined for ever and I don't think I can ever ever trust my husband again. My husband is 39 and since returning from his family over Easter he has been texting his mother every day thanking her for her support, telling her how special her cooking is etc etc and he even has a picture of her, laying across the laps of him and his two brothers on the sofa, in a frame in his bedside draw. This he came home with after Easter. I feel as though I am just in the way and I feel like a nothing. I have some very good friends who are reminding me what a great person I am but without them I have nothing. I just don't think I can recover my trust. I feel as though I have been married to a little boy, not a man, that all along has been desperate to be on the good side of his Mummy and I have just been in the way of that. Please help with any advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): His not a man, he is a mummys boy, do yourself a big favour and leave him. He doesn't deserve you one little bit. His 39 years old his never going to change Good luck x
A
female
reader, BigHeartNLuvr  +, writes (29 April 2009):
Good grief, u have a mess. Ur husband doesn't support u and that is enough to put u in depression. He has to choose u. U have to come first, before his family. I can understand him getting upset and going to talk to his family, but at the very beginning of your marriage he should have stood up to his parents and told them that they are to be supportive of his marriage and u and that was final.
It's still not too late. He can still do that, but u two need to improve ur relationship and trust. U both need to be open with each other and u need to tell him that u r suppose to be the most important person in his life, and that he is the most important person in your life. You two have to mend ur relationship and trust. He can't go talk to his parents everytime his has a problem with u and bad mouth u. That is probably what he has done. Trying to get them on his side. He hasn't realized the damage he has done. You two need to learn to communicate with each other and work things out instead of him going to his parents. Your relationship problems need to be sacred. It is still not too late. I would tell him and try to talk and not raise ur voice. Make sure he knows that u love him and want him to be happy too.
Good luck.
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