A
female
age
41-50,
*ady confuscious
writes:I met my 2nd husband a year ago and we have been married for 4 months now. 5 months into our relationship i found a recent an email on his laptop to a female colleague where he was prompting her for an answer if he would want sex with her again as they were intimate once upon a time before me. I confronted him and he said it was a harmless joke and didnt mean anything by it. I gave him a chance. 3 weeks ago i found out he placed an add on a website and managed to trace down his secret email addy and he uses the same password to access all his addresses so i gained access to it and i was shocked. I saw messages dating back to 3 weeks before we got married where he placed an add for a last fling and for his fetish to be met. Also he was responding to a lady who had posted a mail and was going to meet her the day i got access to his mailbox and i followed him but was too mad to wait for him to meet up with her and drove straight up to him. H e didnt know what to say and then told me that he was a victim of abuse as a child and he has been getting a kick from sending emails and posting adds like these and that he will get counselling if need be. I however dont know if i should stay with him there seems to be a pattern for sure and as much as i empathise with him i find myself questioning what hes doing if he really is where he says he is...should i stay or leave. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (27 November 2007):
 I know so many married guys that their whole life is dedicated to womanizing. They are otherwise normal, successful persons.
It is not a matter of threapy. Threapy for what? He wants it, he tries and and if he finds a chance he does it. He is used it, it is in his character.
he will always be like this. It is your choice. Are you ready to live with someone like this. There is point in tracking him down, or confronting him. He will do it regardless.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): Regardless of whether you two stay together or not, he needs therapy. Push him to see someone. It sounds as if he has been unfaithful for your entire marriage and before you got married as well. This is not a comforting sign. It's easy enough for him to play the sympathy card and blame it on abuse in his past but don't fall for it. Tell him to get help. While he focusses on his own problems, you can focus on yourself and do some self-reflection to see if this is the man you want to be with forever. Maybe you will discover that you cannot trust him anymore.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (27 November 2007):
 Oh the old "I was a abused as a child" crap. Seriously!!!!! I hate when people use that excuse so often it infuriates me. Just because you were the victim of child sexual abuse doesn't give you an excuse to do stupid crap. I would leave him, because I wouldn't have time to follow him and make sure he's being "good." He's supposed to be a husband, not someone who acts like a little kid that you have to look after.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): You don't know if you should stay with him??? YOu empathise with him?? Wow.
That is a very interesting perspective. But if I were you I would have run him over with my car. OF COURSE you should leave him. That is a no brainer.
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