A
female
age
36-40,
*esusfish2003
writes:I just found out that my husband of only 6 months basically cheated on me the other night. He took his ex out to dinner then they went to our new apartment to talk and they ended up kissing! i just got a new job not even a month ago but ever since I started working the evenings I've been finding that they've been talking a lot and he erases all of her calls/texts/IMS, etc So I felt like I needed to put spyware on his computer (which is how I found out). I also found out that they met up while I went to see a friend for a couple of hours to congradulate her on getting married and her new job!! He's confessed everything and swears up and down that he'll never talk or see her ever again (we live 8 hours away from her so I never thought I'd have to worry about this!), and his parents were with us when I found out everything so they said they'd help keep him in check too. I somewhat believe him, but his trust is gone now. I don't want to have to play detective for my own husband!! I love him with all of my heart and I know I wouldn't be able to live without him, but what should I do? Should I leave for a few days and go home (8 hours away) then come back? I start school up here really soon and it's taken me forever to finally get into a good one, so I need to come back. Any help or advice would be amazing!
View related questions:
cheated on me, his ex, kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): Go to couples therapy and try to go to someone that will work with you and him separately as well together. Sounds like he has unresolved issues with his ex and if he can't or won't talk to you, he needs to talk with someone.........Be Strong
A
female
reader, YummyMummy  +, writes (19 July 2007):
 Good Luck hunni!
I hope it all works out ok for you.
Don'e expect to trust/respect him overnight. It'll take time but if you both want this to work out then I don't see why he shouldn't.
xxxxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, jesusfish2003 +, writes (18 July 2007):
jesusfish2003 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice and words... I did leave Monday afternoon to just head home for a little while to clear my head. I couldn't stand to be in our apartment where I knew that everything happened, even though I've made him move the couch. I know I definitely want to stay with him because I love him with all of my heart, but since this is the second time he's gone off secretly and met her without telling me (i end up finding out through being a "detective" and forcing him to tell me... b/c she ends up doing it before he does) and he's done other stuff and hid them from me I've lost all of my trust and respect for him... and that's really hard to get back from me. I'm back now though, I had some good alone time to clear my head and we've definitely talked. He says he'll do anything and everything I need/want him to no matter what (including never talking/communicating with her again... which he'll definitely have to do!). And so I'm giving him one more chance (since he's said all of this in the past before... after I found out about the first time). I've never thought I'd have to go through this... if anyone has any ideas, thoughts, etc of the best way to get over your heartbreaking by a loved one that'd be awesome! Oh yeah, he's also been diagnosed as bipolar so I know that that's a factor (hence, the next chance) but it's a really scary time for us b/c he's in the army and there's a chance that he'll be chaptered out :-/ So much happening at once my head just hurts!
...............................
A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (16 July 2007):
 Hi there babes,
Yes, he has betrayed your trust and its going to take time to regain it, you have to ask yourself what is important to you right now???
Is he worth forgiving and building your relationship again, do you love him no matter what???
I am not saying what he has done is right but are you prepaired to give it all up????
He has been open and honest and told you everything that is a start babes......
Just take each day as it comes tell him how much he has hurt you inside and that you love him so so much I bet he feels awful anyway and tell him its going to take a long time for your trust to be regained if he loves you he will prove to you over time he can be trusted again.....
In time your relationship will get back on track and will be in the past, good luck babes
Love Donna xx
...............................
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (16 July 2007):
 Hey i totally understand how you are feeling at the moment as i have bee through an affair myself, and this is the only reason i am going to say this.
You are now married and i do believe that everyone is entitled to a mistake and to be forgiven.
If you go away for a while your husband might think that you are giving up on your marriage, i think you you stay and try and work through this together.
I have forgiven and forgot and our marriage is now stronger than ever, and believe me when it first happened i did not think i could ever forgive.
Take care.xx.
...............................
A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (16 July 2007):
Do you think you can forgive him?
Forgiveness is the first step in making this right. To be able to forget you need to be able to forgive. You also need to be able to forgive so you can try and trust this man again.
I would take some time out and concentrate on thinking what you want and what you want to happen from now on. Trust CAN be regained, it will take time and effort and patience from both sides.
Don't give up your schooling hunni. That's your future there whether you stay with your husband or not.
I hope things work out.
xxxxxxxxx
...............................
|
