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anonymous
writes:My husband (of 20 years) travels a lot and I know on occasion he visits strip clubs in Las Vegas and Alaska with his co-workers. I've always been okay with this and trusted him as our relationship has been solid over the years. However, our sex life is practically non-existant now (unless I initiate) and both of us have put on weight (not excessive but we're not what we used to be). My concern is that there is more to the strippers than I might be aware of. Is it true that men can get "other services" at these places? I feel he might be straying for sexual pleasures elsewhere. He'd never admit it, but I'm not even sure what some of these places cater to and he's just not interested in me anymore.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): Well I do believe he can get services at these places. And if not at these places, he can get services directly to his hotel room when he is out of town, through escorts. I am just throwing that out about escorts because if he frequents strip clubs he obviously is down with this pay for sex/lapdance sort of thing. So an escort is probably not that much different to him. Its in the same league.
Look, strip clubs are sketchy places. I am certain that some of those girls would have sex for cash. Like I said, its pretty much in the same league as escorts. In fact I knew a girl in college who started working at a topless bar for extra cash and she slept with one of the clients who offered her alot of cash. True story. I mean these girls need cash and if they are already doing what they do, which believe me is enough, I am sure that many if not most of them would be totally willing to do "more," if that's even possible.
And even if he has not "slept" with a stripper, just the fact that your husband goes to strip clubs to get off on naked women who rub themselves up on him doesn't really show that he is that trustworthy. Your husband is not going there to play bingo. My friend went to a strip club in Vegas and he said that he got a lapdance till he came. I mean is that faithfulness to you?? Saying that you trust a man who frequents strip clubs is an oxymoron.
But if you honestly are not bothered by it then more power to you. That's great. Less gray hair, less premature aging. But don't confuse you not letting it bother you with trust. The fact that he goes to strip clubs at all makes his behavior not faithful or trustworthy to begin with. So be clear on the fact that he is not trustworthy but it just never bothered you before. That's all.
Now on the issue of him not having sex with you, I can think of alot of possibilities. It might be a communication issue between you two. Worst case scenario, but very probable, is that he met someone else, or like you say he is sleeping with somebody else. But if this is the case, I don't think it has anything to do with the strip clubs. It would only have to do with him meeting one person in particular that he is sleeping with and dating. Talk to him, find out what's on his mind. Good Luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): Well you say you never had a problem with him going to strip clubs before. Then ye're sex life starts to decrease and this is when you see it as a problem.
Maybe you should concentrate more on how to get the sex life back on track rather than worrying whether he is getting it elsewhere. Have you any hard evidence that he is cheating???
I think you should talk to him.Tell him how you feel. Ask him does he want to make an effort to get the intimacy back and think of ways in which ye both can bring the energy and fun back into the relationship. Maybe start going on dates again and spend a bit of quality time together.
Goodluck.
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