A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I caught my husband masturbating to porn.I guess I can't understand it... given I always felt he could open up to me and talk about such things... he also could have come to me, as I enjoy sex a great deal. But instead he would wait for me to go to bed, and after I am asleep he would go and connect to the internet to masturbate watching porn. Why is this? How can I change this? I don't wnat this to be our relationship... I would like to think that I satisfy my husband that he feels turned on by me and not that he needs to look at other woman to get satisfaction. I know,... you must be thinking, I am eiher ugly or bad in bed, but I am quiet alright in both areas. At least that is what I used to think, or what all my previous boyfriends said to me.It is very annoying that every time I want sex, he is never in the mood.
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in the mood, porn, the internet Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DeadTwitch  +, writes (4 August 2010):
Talk to him about it, and why it bugs you, if he keeps doing it, leave. My wife told me it bugs her when I did that and I stopped. Good luck
A
female
reader, helpme86 +, writes (20 September 2008):
"he has an addiction and he needs help"? Seriously? The guy likes porn....most guys do. I am a woman and I enjoy it. As far as him turning you down and then proceeding to watch porn...anyone would feel inadequate in that situation. My advice is tell him how you feel. Explain to him that you are there ready and wanting him. Also I suggest trying porn out yourself...maybe incorporate it into the bedroom, give him the best of both worlds. Best of luck dear!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2008): Bullshit, yes I said bullshit to some of the responses you have had so far. There are several types of porn watches, and yes I am a woman, and I am also someone who loves and appreciates pornography, erotica and romance in life.
1: The person who likes to see people having sex because it's sexy and fun.
2: The addict who uses sex to hide away from the world and actually needs to deal with important issues.. A problem of procrastination rather than porn.
3: Bad lovers, Virgins and people that have been abused and use pornography and erotica to discover what sex with fun looks like.
4: The causal porn person, he will look at naked people and sex if it is stuck in his face, but he can really take it or leave it. It's arousing, but he's not that interested.
5: The person who has a serious sexual addiction.. Again he is using sex to hide away from the problems in his life, but this time it is really serious. He spends all his money on porn, he spends all his life on porn, and he chooses to look at pornography than interact with the real world and normal people...
Pornography and erotica itself is very large. How would you feel if he liked being whipped or pissed on. How would you feel if you found he was attracted to fat black girls, or small Chinese women. How would you feel if he only looked at homosexual pornography. Porn is a very private place, it takes a brave man or woman to let somebody else in. To demand he only find you sexy, he ignore the world of other sexy girls, or men, is very immature and naive. You've been watching too many Hollywood movies, you've been looking at too many women's magazines. There is no happy ever after, relationships take work, you have to encourage a man to think your the most beautiful sexy woman in the world. He has eyes, he has imagination, he is a man, of course he gets turned on by other things. You can either except him as he is with all his human faults, or keep on demanding perfection, and trying to live some fairytale life. This is relationships babes, you are not the prettiest woman in the world, you are not perfect and neither is he. Except him, join him in his hobby or ignore it, just like you would ignore a gardener who gets excited by beautiful flowers, or a scientist who keeps on telling you the moon is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. Fight him, make an issue of porn, and you will remain dissatisfied and unhappy for the rest of your life. Porn is nothing except some women on a page, or women on a video. If you want to get upset and make yourself unhappy over something he can't touch and will never give you up for, well then it's your life... But aren't there more important things to spend your energy on. PORN IS FANTASY.. YOU ARE REAL LIFE, AND HE HAS CHOOSEN TO LOVE, HONOUR AND RESPECT YOU.
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A
male
reader, bibeememo +, writes (13 September 2008):
unfortunately porn watching and maintaining attraction to a spouse is mutually exclusive. he has an addiction and he needs help. there is a lot wrong with watching porn...especially in your relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2008): Go to npsupport.net and see if the behavior rings a bell........50% of divorce cases are now citing porn as the cause! It is not harmless when it becomes compulsive and takes your partner away from you sexually, and yes, it hurts!
I wish you well.
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (12 September 2008):
 It's a bad sign when a man chooses porn over actual sex. Next time, don't give him the option of watching, pounce on him before he has a chance to go on the computer. Sounds like you two are in a slump, you've got to get out of it before it becomes too hard to get out of.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2008): Common problem these days. You can do a search and find lots of questions about it.
Most guys feel that their watching porn is not a reflection on any lack of attraction to their partner in real life. Most women seem to have a hard time seeing it this way, but the two genders aren't all built the same about sex.
Whether you're willing to tolerate him looking at it? Whether he's willing to quit? That's something that you & he will have to work out in your relationship. Different people have different comfort levels about this stuff. Some people can't even stand their partners looking at other attractive people they see in public, while other people literally drag home strange partners to watch them in bed with their partner.
Porn should not be hurting your trust and your sex life with your husband though. This is clearly a problem when he's choosing it over you. It's something that he needs to deal with because it sounds like this could be becoming a compulsive behavior just like gambling or drug addictions. He may need professional help for it too.
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A
female
reader, lollypop1 +, writes (12 September 2008):
Well you need to show him that your better than porn ! and give him a ride you will never forget !
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