A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband loves masterbating and i find it such a turn off and upsetting? He always masterbate while watching porn when i'm not home and the times we have sex, it's not special cause he had it yesterday or whenever and i know it . It's always in the back of my head and i always wonder what he is up to when i'm not home. He said it's just a man thing and a way to relax, but i dont understand why he needs to do it - when he can get it from me and why he is so selfish and dont think of me and my needs. I spoke to him so many times about this and asked him to stop, but he dont see anything wrong with it. I really feel this can come between us, cause it makes me unhappy and bothers me a lot.
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female
reader, Adia  +, writes (13 December 2008):
well my husband also did Masturbating when i busy at work . he like to watch porn every day and like them feel them than me , if one day can not see them he will mood and make the reason to fight with me , i am very sad ..because i think he love other women , love them image than love me ...that why he can cum when see them on internet than sex with me , he keep sex videos , nude and naked pictures in his computer and files almost 20 thousand pictures more than i think ..i was asked him some time : Did you Masturbate when i not home ? then he say : No ! but i know he did - _ - i know he is sickness from erotics things . i know he love those Nude and sex women than love me , he never hold or touch me when we are on bed , but he easy going to hold and kiss some women working in the soapland ,
He was tolk me : his life all for porn stuff and he will never stop it to over his life ...
so how i can do now too ...
So i understand your feeling your hurt ...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2008): well my husband also did Masturbating when i busy at work . he like to watch porn every day and like them feel them than me , if one day can not see them he will mood and make the reason to fight with me , i am very sad ..because i think he love other women , love them image than love me ...that why he can cum when see them on internet than sex with me , he keep sex videos , nude and naked pictures in his computer and files almost 20 thousand pictures more than i think ..i was asked him some time : Did you Masturbate when i not home ? then he say : No ! but i know he did - _ - i know he is sickness from erotics things . i know he love those Nude and sex women than love me , he never hold or touch me when we are on bed , but he easy going to hold and kiss some women working in the soapland ,
He was tolk me : his life all for porn stuff and he will never stop it to over his life ...
so how i can do now too ...
So i understand your feeling your hurt ...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): I undestand how you might feel. 1- maybe you think he's doing it as a "secret" or behind your back and you feel left out of a part o his "sex" life. 2- mybe youdon't lik him watching porn. Let me say that ALL men masterbate. We do it because the sperm builds up and even if we didn't mastebate- we wuld have a "wet" dream because are bodies need to release. Teling your huband not to masterbate is very unhealhy for him. Unless your wiling to do it for hm everyday or have sex everyday then you shuld let him do it himself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): I know some guys look at porn only because they can, others use it for something that is missing in there life.
If he masterbate alone and this still offends you, have you offered to do it for him? Sometimes when guys are stressed, they feel an urge to release. Instead of doing the wam-bam thank you mam routine, it is less stressful then getting the partner involved. As the years go on, your both young and no kids, it will only get worse unless you both make time for each other. Communication of feelings and resolving them is very important.
Have you discussed the masterbation and porn with him? You haven't pushed him away recently have you? Sometimes, this may start other things if he feel rejected.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): Awww. :( I had this problem too!
What happened with me was I was there, and he masturbated...even though I was THERE. It made me cry..a lot...uncontrollably. I felt that he didn't want me, and that his fantasies were better than me.
But with a lot of hard work it's better....but now onto you.
If he doesn't understand that it hurts you...then is he really that caring? He should LOVE you...and he should protect you from anything that would hurt you. I actually completely agree with what you're saying, and I think you should stand up for your beliefs and feelings...
but be prepared for the consequences.
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (24 April 2008):
 I'm not sure whether I've already tried to answer this question on another site? Anyway, I suggest that you need to find out what exactly the porn is that he's looking at.
There will probably be something that he particularly enjoys - and not just the variety of women's bodies. It's often as simple as the attitude, the expression, the clothes - and quite likely the primary thought in his head will be of you, his partner, doing what those porn models are doing - standing like them, wearing those clothes, doing what they do. So it may not be all bad (some porn is, obviously, and some porn isn't).
He says he doesn't see anything wrong with it - so build on that. Ask him to show you what he is looking at and what he enjoys looking at. Yes, I know, your immediate reaction probably is "I'm not going to look at porn", but doing it with him might firstly get him away from it and secondly can give you an insight into parts of his mind that he's never going to have the nerve to tell you, and that might just put the spark back into your relationship. Worst case, if it's really nasty porn he's looking at - which is unlikely - then at least you're armed with the knowledge of what it is and you can work out how best to move forward. Simply not knowing the details of what makes him masturbate will never get your relationship anywhere.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): You need to stop being so petty and whining.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): Hi there.Im sorry you feel like this.You never suggested if you yourself masterbate. It really is something that almost everyone does, weather your in a relationship or not.There are always parts of your body you know better than everyone, and sometimes its a nice feeling and sensual.However you dont like it, but would you rather he lie to you?You know hes doing it, hes being honest and not lying to you about it, hes also, as your question suggests still making love to you. So there doesnt seem to be a problem in that respect.Why dont you try spicing things up a little, in the bedroom, and ask him to do it for you during the course of the night, play around with it a little, make it fun...and you never know despite yourself you may enjoy it.
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A
male
reader, rproctor  +, writes (24 April 2008):
Masturbation is normal! All men do it... Not just your hubby. Even in a sexual relationship men still masturbate... Hell I do it about once a day even though I have sex usually twice a day (go libido go), it all just depends on his drive and if you are around when he wants it. Dont get mad at him... But if his masturbation is preventing sexual actions between you two then maybe its time to take a break.
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